Tuesday, April 17, 2007

In a gesture that not only serves as a stunning display of well orchestrated publicity grabbing as much as it shows how blunt, oafish Maxim readers or editorial staff have got to be to make this kind of thing viable, Sanjaya Malakar – the American Idol finalist whose appeal is simply not based on actual vocal talent – is voted today Today’s Girl at Maxim online. Wow, how fucking hysterical! Sanjaya?! A Girl?! Well, he is a little effeminate. Now, look, I don’t want to get excited here but we could have some good old fashioned school yard fun with THIS!

So, here’s an hypothetical guess as to what made up the internal thought process of Felix Dennis or the Maxim editorial gang member who came up with THAT genius editorial idea:

“Gee, he’s kind of effeminate but, wait, he’s a guy. Shit, what does that mean? About me? I can’t stop thinking about him and I’m having trouble with the fact that I’m secretly attracted to him and the fact is that I would probably let him top me if I were drunk at a party. Yeah, but I’d be sure and punch him in the stomach afterwards, though, just to feel like I didn’t really do it… God, I really CAN’T stop thinking about the pretty, playful, light hearted American Idol finalist and it’s making me feel weird about myself. I know, I’ve got a plan that will fix everything! I’ll just quickly make fun of him and call him a girl.” Yeah, no one will suspect I jack off to a photo of Sanjaya at night if I suggest we call him a girl!


Scene 2: the playground at school. Sanjaya gets his sandwich stamped on by Felix Dennis and the Maxim gang in the playground and moments later a permissive macho ex-marine PE teacher comes over and good naturedly wrestles with the Maxim gang, urges them to try out for the foot ball team this year, stares loathingly at Sanjaya and walks away, turning a blind eye to their bullying which continue throughout lunchbreak. Sanjaya doesn’t say anything but when he gets home from school that day his mother wants to know why he’s got a black eye.

Cut to years later, Sanjaya is performing on TV and (albeit inexplicably) winning the adoration of hundreds of thousands of viewers and Felix Dennis is busy trying to buy his soul back by touring the world in a lavish display of self indulgence, reading his crap baby boomer poetry to people who will only listen if he gives them free wine…oh wait…hang on a second… [source]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

yeah, that sounds about right !!!

no editing required,

the final scene is when Sanjaya walks
into the Sunset on a deserted Mexican Beach,hand in hand with a gorgeuos boy singing his head off and is loved anyways, as he looks back and winks at pathetic lonely Felix who is afraid to look at his
own penis !!

next a magazine devoted to all the Felixe's OUT there, watch out it's not going to be pretty, but hysterical !!