Friday, February 22, 2008

Week #8 in Review

During the week in which Senator Barack Obama continued his striking lead over Senator Hillary Clinton in their race to become president, Cuban president Fidel Castro stepped down from power after 49 years of Communist rule, 150 people were injured during civil unrest in Belgrade, Serbia as the US Embassy was attacked as part of protests against Kosovo’s recent independence, the US government blew up a now defunct satellite and excitement mounted over the pending Academy Awards, musician Jennifer Lopez prepared to give birth by selling the rights to her first baby pictures to People Magazine for 6 million dollars. OK! Magazine in the UK decided not to pay for the US rights stating that Lopez’s celebrity was not worth the amount of money Lopez was requesting. Lopez gave birth to twins; a boy and a girl towards the end of the week.

Actress Jessica Alba announced via the National Enquirer that she too is expecting twins, People Magazine reported that while actress/singer Jessica Simpson’s film Blonde Ambition made about$2000 in its first weekend of release in the United States, the film brought in $253,008 in the Ukraine, the New York Post’s Bill McCuddy was quoted as saying “Michael Moore wants to bring Castro, Sean Penn is trying to get Chavez, but Susan Sarandon has the real A-Lister, She’s bringing bin Laden. His turbin is Armani.” Referring to the Academy Awards.
Pop group The Jonas Brothers revealed in an interview with Details magazine that they all wear purity rings, a sex tape featuring aging Kiss member Gene Simmons and an Austrian promotional model was released in the US, it was reported that pop star Nick Lachey and his girlfriend ex-Entertainment Tonight host Vanessa Minnillo are often paid to spend time in resorts by the owners of the resorts because it results in publicity, and a photo featuring Paris Hilton in an empty cinema surrounded by cups of soft drink was released to capitalize on bad publicity surrounding her critically panned film, “The Hottie and the Nottie”.
Project Runway host Tim Gunn went on Conan O’Brien to talk about fashion and when asked to comment on the style of Hillary Clinton he said she must be suffering from some form of “gender confusion” and in the lead up to the Brit Awards which were held in the UK and hosted by the Osbournes, Sharon Osbourne took a public swipe at Beatle Paul McCartney’s ex-wife, Heather Mills by saying, “I would boot her off stage. I think she’s a miserable old cow.”
In news of the extraordinarily odd, researchers in Madagascar found the fossilized remains of a frog the size of a bowling ball with heavy armour and teeth. They named the creature Beelzebufo or “Devil Toad”.
In the US, a southwest Florida church issue a challenge to its married members wherein they were to have sex every day for 30 days in an effort to combat the escalating divorce rate, a library of music containing 300,000 CDs and 3 million records made over the past hundred years was for sale on ebay for 3 million dollars, Reebok teamed up with Kool Aid to make scented shoes and in Canada a man from Wetaskiwin, Alberta became intoxicated and drove his car; crashing it on the lawn of the police department thus turning himself in.
In Europe and the UK, it was rumoured that English seaside amusement parks could be wiped out entirely in the next year due to new laws governing slot machines, smoking and also because of the relentless rain, a man in Germany got so frustrated with his girlfriend’s smoking that he blasted her with a fire extinguisher and was carted off to jail, and group of French scientists invented a new form of “self healing” rubber to be used in rubber bands.

In China, the Beijing Zoo announced that it was expanding its panda exhibit with ten more pandas to be imported in time for the Beijing Olympics, the Henan Alcohol Association hired a lawyer to attempt to convince the provincial legislature that the ban on alcohol served at lunch be lifted, the 22nd of each month in China was official set aside to be known as “Seat Giving Day” in a move by the Chinese government to enforce an air of charity towards elderly people and pregnant women on trains while in Australia an artist named Tim Patch who goes by the professional name “Pricasso” decided to enter the Archibald Prize with a painting he completed by painting with his penis instead of a paintbrush.

“I had to use my bum to paint in the background,” he said. “because you have to have the occasional break”

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