Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Want to own a recording of every piece of music written over the past 108 years? Well, don’t worry for a second; you can buy it in one fell swoop on ebay right now for 3 million dollars. That’s the minimum you’ll pay, although, one can assume that postage on this collection of over 300,000 CDs and 3 million records would be more than 4 dollars. The bidding runs out tomorrow but if no one buys it them the owner is just going to re-list it. That makes sense. There’s not a whole lot TO this story really. I mean, once I knew this guy whose cousin was in the Fifth Element and he said that she went to the after party at Bruce Willis and Demi Moore’s house and that they had every CD. That was like 8 years ago though so maybe, they split them up with the divorce. Before Bruce and Demi split you could go to their house or check out this private collector’s library. Now, it’s just this guy’s collection. IT’s kind of a good deal really. I could see someone in Manhattan buying this and keeping it hidden. [source]

Australian artist Tim Patch, who calls himself Pricasso, usually exposes his talents at sex product fairs around the world, but has decided to go upmarket by entering a painting for Australia's Archibald Prize -- the nation's top award for portraiture. He paints with his penis so that’s why the fucking hilarious journalist who wrote the intro to this piece, which I copied and pasted above, said “usually exposes his talents”. Isn’t that funny? Because he EXPOSES his genitals and you can EXPOSE art at an exhibition. EXPOSE means “to reveal.” See how that fucking amazing metaphor works? God, I’m pretty much ready to have a nervous breakdown at how god damned clever everything about this story is. I’m not offended or amazed, I’m just so uninspired by this. It’s so predictably Australian. "I had to use my bum to paint in the background, because you have to have the occasional break," Patch told the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper on Wednesday. Oh my GOD, it’s not just his penis, it’s his buttocks as well. I’m dying. DYING! IT’s so disarming and funny that I’m smashing my face on the desk in solidarity! Because when you think about it art is often to high brow and snooty and what does it mean anyway because anyone could do that! Yet, this man is really democratizing it. What a genius. Now, watch him get into Parliament. [source]

The Henan Alcohol Association in China has hired a lawyer to convince the provincial legislature to revise or end a ban on alcohol being served at lunch which was enacted in January 2007 in the city of Xinyang, the official Xinhua News Agency said Wednesday and I’m really concerned. China is like a freaking ego time bomb ready to explode with its daily issuances of new weird assed rules that are designed to clean up the nation in time for the Olympics. I mean, is it wise to nudge an already completely neurotic Communist government at this point? Stephen Spielberg just quit on them. They’re probably frantic. Just a thought…why not call Peter Greenaway? I mean, he’d do a bang up job of an opening ceremony. It’d be all fabric, petals, screaming Chinese dwarves, light silhouettes and then some duck gets raped and barbecued. Or maybe barbecued and then raped. Hell, why don’t I do it? Hello, China? Anyway, I’m really concerned about what will happen to that lawyer. I mean, that Scientologist critic just wound up dead from “suicide” today…that’s what happens when you mess with huge organizations that are freaked out controlling weirdos with borderline personalities. Just send a nice letter and some chox, Henan. Don’t push the Chinese Government. They’re 8 months out from opening night and they don’t have a director…[source]

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