Thursday, February 21, 2008

There’s really no way to write this where you don’t immediately induce gut wrenching nausea so here it is straight: Gene Simmons from Kiss has a sex tape and it’s online and you can see it all at the link below.

Simmons, as we were graciously shown through his reality show, “The Family Jewels” (shudder), is in a marriage like relationship with Shannon Tweed but he’s always very clearly stated that he is not interested in monogamy so in many ways the whole issue of cheating isn’t really relevant.

The two issues that are relevant though, are that now there is a video tape of an over the hill rocker essentially imposing his barrel like torso on some generically plastic looking LA styled, hyper blonde marketing girl and in the background is the song “I Want to Know What Love Is” which somehow makes it even more cringe worthy. Maybe that’s why Gene Simmons went to this young girl though, let’s be more sensitive. Maybe he literally does want to “know what love is.” Yeah.

Secondly, apparently the girl is named Elsa and she’s a promotional model for an energy drink Simmons was hired to promote so she’s one of those people who convince themselves that they’ll do whatever it takes to get to the top but she’s blank and immature and doesn’t really want to be there. She refuses to kiss him in the film. That’s good because kissing is reserved for the man she will marry.

From watching the first minute or so, I am pretty sure she went home and cried afterwards. I mean, she cried while standing in the shower. She’d fluctuate between scrubbing herself furiously with soap and falling in a tear stained heap under the flowing water. Then later, she’d pull herself together and stare at herself in the mirror, take a kolonopin and smile all the way to whatever rancid assed harshly designed, over priced poser bar she was being hired to work in that night. [source] [source]

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