Friday, February 22, 2008

The Jonas Brothers, the three essentially hot but completely contrived and pointless pop triplets who sang that time at some awards show and the middle one crashed to his knees as he broke through a fake plate glass window have stated in an interview with Details Magazine that they wear those freaking PURITY god damned rings that, and I quote: “symbolize, as Joe puts it, ‘promises to ourselves and to God that we’ll stay pure till marriage.’ Joe is 18. His ring is silver and adorned with a cross.”

Oh my GOD, give me a fucking break, stab out my god damned eyes and ears - my head feels like its suddenly become a dam of vitriol. You would think that the travesties that became Britney, Lindsay, Jessica Simpson and Ashley Tisdale (not sure why Tisdale specifically – I just want to smack that bitch in the head until her deviated septum is so deviated it’s beyond help) that people in showbiz would learn that the standards set by Hollywood and demanded by an inane and disconnected and morally righteous American public are inhuman and in fact, deadly. Apparently not.

Apart from the fact that it’s been statistically proven that more than 80% of students in the US who pledge abstinence go on to have sex anyway and that they are also statistically more inclined to have unsafe sex when they do break their inane pledge, the fact is this is just god damned marketing. It’s so astonishing that this is STILL what America wants. But, it doesn’t matter how many people have complete breakdowns and crumble under the pressure of outrageous demands which essentially cripple them as people emotionally, there’s always some rancid assed boyband with a gorgon like American show parent behind them pimping them out as sex objects while claiming that they’re pure and virginal and Christian. If they can muster up enough of the conservative parent support by singing sickly, fake rock pop and not publically having sex or drinking alcohol then who knows, maybe they can perform in a concert during the final weeks of the John McCain campaign.

Plus, you just know that someone like Lou Perlman has or will sink his talons into at least one of them and the show parent will turn a blind eye just for a moment. I knew I hated the Jonas Brothers. There was something about them that just enraged me and I didn’t know what it was and I thought I was just being mean cause I’ll probably never sleep with one of them. Now, it all makes sense; bland undertones of adolescent sexuality, video footage of one of them making goofy facial expressions on Perez Hilton, “hey, we’re just whacky crazy teenagers…”, purity rings, corporately constructed music, non threatening Christian values but no specific mention of Christianity per se. It’s sort of like the early work of Will Smith. All to calculatedly sweet.
One of them is going to slip up and fuck a fan and then all that hard work will be thrown down the toilet. Actually he’ll go to virgin rehab for two weeks and then we’ll see how the public reacts. [source]

No comments: