Friday, February 15, 2008

Week # 7 in Review

During the week in which Republican Governor Mitt Romney pulled out of the presidential race and endorsed Republican presidential hopeful Senator John McCain, Democrat Senator Barack Obama surged ahead of Democrat Senator Hillary Clinton, a shooting occurred at Northern Illinois University and the US planned to shoot down one of its old spy satellites, ex-zeitgeist Paris Hilton’s film “The Hottie and the Nottie” was officially ranked as the lowest scoring film of all time on having brought in just $27,696 in 111 cinemas across the nation over three days. As her film as busy bombing, her younger brother Barron Hilton was arrested for DUI and was reported to have had a blood alcohol level of 0.14 which is almost double the legal limit not to mention the fact that he is three years shy of the legal drinking age. The younger Hilton called his sister, Paris from jail but she declined to bail him out saying instead that he needed to learn a lesson.

Star Magazine reported that pop star Britney Spears and her on again, off again boyfriend Adnan Ghalib went to Mexico so they could get married even though Ghalib is not yet divorced from his previous wife, former panelist on The View Star Jones signed on to perform a monologue in “The Vagina Monologues”, director Stephen Spielberg withdrew from his role as Artistic Director of the Beijing Olympic Games following pressure from actress and activist Mia Farrow who suggested that if he didn’t withdraw he would be supporting China’s underwriting of the genocide in Darfur, and a preview for the new Indiana Jones movie “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” was released.

Incarcerated TV actor Lane Garrison who used to appear in Prison Break but is now serving 40 months jail for vehicular manslaughter wrote a letter to Access Hollywood to say Happy New Year from Donovan State Prison, actress Reese Witherspoon was quoted in Page Six Magazine as saying “I wouldn’t want my children to miss out on any of that teasing and bullying. Don’t you think it kind of makes you who you are – when you miss out on the soccer team?”, Jane Fonda went on the Today Show and during an interview with Meredith Vieira, speaking about her new role in “The Vagina Monologues”, said the word “Cunt” and pop star Lily Allen started a break from her music career by filming the pilot episode to a new TV Talk Show and several hours in half the audience left, it was reported, due to boredom.

Potential First Lady, Michelle Obama was interviewed on Larry King and mentioned that she has become good friends with TV host Oprah Winfrey AND her best friend Gail King – but made no mention of Steadman Graham, Oprah Winfrey’s long term boyfriend, star of Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus was under fire for appearing on camera without a seatbelt on, comedian Artie Lange was among the very first to crack a joke about Heath Ledger, saying “I’m not happy [Ledger] died, but I’ll finally get all the roles I was losing to Heath. “Brokeback Mountain”. I had a great audition. I fucked the shit out of Jake Gyllenhaal.”, and faux punk rocker Avril Lavigne was seen hanging out with Britney Spears’ cousin Alli Sims.
The BAFTA Awards were presented in England, hosted by Jonathan Ross with Best Film going to “Atonement”, while the Grammy Awards were held in the US and Amy Winehouse won 5 Grammy Awards for the work on her album “Back to Black” even though she was not allowed to enter the US after being denied a visa from the US Consulate in the UK. For her satellite beamed in performance after winning, Winehouse was forced to black out parts of one of her tattoos which showed the breasts of a woman.
In Extraordinarily Odd news, Men’s Health Magazine in the US voted Outback Steakhouse’s Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing as the number one worst food in the US weighing in with 3500 calories per serve and Forbes Magazine ascertained that Detroit, Michigan was America’s most miserable city.
In the UK, a rare white stag was seen in the wilds of the Scottish Highlands, a gambling addict in northeast England named Graham Calvert who says that he told book makers to stop taking his bets was suing betting organization William Hill for allowing him to lose 2 million pounds, Police in central England were hunting for a badly scorched copper power cable thief after finding a hacksaw embedded in an 11,000 volt power cable, British ex-pat Frederick Boyle was found guilty of murdering his wife in Australia and hiding her body in a barrel for 23 years, a psychic was paid 60 pounds by a council to rid a County Durham home of a poltergeist while in Switzerland, armed robbers stole four important paintings by van Gogh, Monet, Degas and Cezanne from a museum in Zurich. The paintings were valued at 163 million dollars.
In Australia, the Melbourne Arts Center enlisted the help of a flock of falcons to help rid the museum of destructive sulphur crested cockatoos while in Asia, the Chinese government announced an initiative to rid its major cities of as many rats as possible with inspectors installed to punish rat exterminators who fail to kill enough rats and they announced an initiative to ban all movies that involve ghosts, aliens, horror or any other aspect of the supernatural, and a Singapore based retailer pulled a line of Jesus branded cosmetics from its shelves after complaints were made by annoyed Catholics.

In the Middle East, Saudi Arabia’s religious police banned red roses ahead of Valentine’s Day in a move that was aimed at decreasing the romantic interaction between unwed men and women and Mariam Amash, an Israeli woman, applied for a new identity card in Israel and supplied information that suggested she is in fact, 120 years old which would make her the oldest woman in the world. Sabine Haddad, a spokeswoman for Israel’s Interior Ministry was quoted as saying:

“We’re just not sure it’s correct.”

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