Wednesday, February 13, 2008

TMZ reports that Paris Hilton decided not to help her brother Barron, the newly arrested 18 year old Hilton who was picked up for driving with a blood alcohol level of 0.14 – not to mention the fact that he is not even legally allowed to drink yet anyway. I just wanted to recap really fast and go over it again because it's mildly gratifying to me to think about it. I'm having a bitter morning.

Apparently Barron called Paris (God they have some douche bag names, these Hilton kids – all so desperate for class and status. Hint: just because you name your kid “Barron” it doesn’t make him an actual aristocrat) but Paris declines to bail him out. reports:

We're told Paris rejected her brother's request, telling her 18-year-old brother, "You're going to learn your lesson." TMZ also knows Paris was "very upset and very disappointed in him."

In reality, Paris received that phone call but was far too busy with her daily rejuvenation routine to completely notice what was going on. I think it’s fairly reasonable to assume that each day Paris clocks up about 3 hours of blank self examination by standing in front of or squatting over a mirror just staring at herself – really drinking in and focusing on the amazement she feels each and every day when she wakes up and realizes that she is, in fact, Paris Hilton.

That’s what gives her the power to get out there and continue soaking up the money and attention despite…well, everything. When Barron called, Paris’s self focus session was in full swing and therefore far too encompassing so she blanked out of the phone call and dropped the phone. I mean, she probably didn’t even hang up. She just stood there, amazed at herself while her brother was screaming, SCREAMING into the phone desperately begging for her to come and bail him out as a fat biker wearing scrubbed on blush and a touch of lippy who goes by the name “Bertha” winked at him from across the cell. After all, fresh Hilton boy-ass is like filet mignon in jail. Actually, it’s like fillet of holy cow in India.

But then, afterwards you get some flack who re-arranges the facts and makes it look like Paris actually remembered the phone call and played the part of the concerned, responsible sister.
It’s interesting that the family are making it seem like they’re being hard asses about this when you know that they’re all completely zonked out on Xanax and mai tais to even remember who is related to whom. I guess after Paris they have to try another angle. Where is Candy Spelling by the way? I think there's one little Hotel empire family that could use some Candy Spelling advice right about now. Some parenting advice. [source]

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