Thursday, February 14, 2008

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

A gambling addict from the northeast of England named Graham Calvert who says he told bookmakers to stop taking his bets is suing bet taking organization William Hill for allowing him to lose 2 million pounds which means that the litigious stupidity of the US has crossed the pond – I would suggest officially even though I have no real way of backing it up. There’s nothing like a good story of some fuckwit from small town nowhere suing a massive corporation for a billion dollars just because they accidentally dumped hot coffee all over their learning challenged child or they got obese from shoveling ice cream into their head while half asleep. New Yorkers sue all the time but they don’t talk about it so much because they’re doing it to stab each other so they can climb the ladder. When suburban people sue it’s like their way of finally lashing out to be creative as a break from festering in mediocrity. Suburban weddings that feature themes often mean the same thing. It’s just a chance to break the crippling monotony of being average for one golden moment before they return to a life of obsessive routine and cans of frosting at midnight. Good old suing. Whoever invented suing was a genius and is probably rich from residuals. [source]

Merely minutes after PETA made a request to China to watch how it treated its rats during the Year of the Rat, the Chinese Government has announced an initiative to kill as many rats in Beijing as possible – of course – in preparation for the Beijing Olympics. “Beijing health workers will send teams to inspect the rat-killing work, and will impose fines on those who fail their job," Xinhua newspaper quoted Deng Xiaohong, of Beijing's municipal health bureau, as saying. It’s so great how China makes up these rules and then immediately attached punishment to failure. Like, only last year they insisted that citizens had to smile more and not use foul language and that there would be fines imposed if people failed at that. I was just reading about Mia Farrow and Darfur and someone wrote that the Beijing Olympics is China’s big coming out party and so seeing as China is a massively insecure and demanding diva of a nation, the Olympics is making them into a Bridezilla. Or, in this case, an Olympzilla. Still, this is great for PETA because Olympzilla is just as imperious and indifferent to criticism as the Fashion Industry. PETA needs someone to be angry at all the time that won't just crumble. Otherwise they turn on each other and it becomes cannibalism. [source]

Even though this is more or less exactly the same thing as the last post, in a new twist in the Chinese censors’ campaign to clean up the country’s viewing habits, aliens, ghosts and all other aspects of horror and the supernatural are to be banned from videos. Because any time Olympzilla sees anything that reminds it of the crippling horror that lurks within, it quickly bans it. It’d be interesting to see how well China would do putting together the Olympics if they freed up all this effort they’re putting into banning things. Like, say, they might get the actual stadiums build faster if they weren’t so vehemently focused on banning ghost movies. Any minute now Olympzilla is going to have a complete nervous breakdown. I mean, and even if they don’t and they manage to get through it all without crying a lot because they’ve run out of cups or ice or something, you know they’re going to obsess over whether people had a good time at the Olympics for ever. And people will start wanting to spend less time with it because it’s just so damned needy and annoying. Having said that I really want to go to Shanghai. I’m calling China “Olympzilla” from now on. [source]

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