Friday, February 08, 2008

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Workers responding to neighbors' complaints of a bad smell coming from an apartment in western England discovered a body that lay decomposing on a couch for years while another resident lived there, officials said Friday which makes for the second body found in a crap suburban house in the UK this week. The first was actually yesterday when the real estate agent found the body hanging in the closet – I pointed out that that was Beetlejuice happening in real life but I just realized it is actually the film of American Pycho happening in real life. When the estate agent just cleans out the place and moves on and then he comes back and she just tells him to leave immediately. That’s what it is. Meanwhile, why are dead bodies showing up in the UK right now? I mean, why don’t people notice? This story says that the 70 year old occupant had mental heath issues and that explains his inability o report it but I think in general that kind of thing is possible in England because if an English neighbor like say, Penelope Keith came over to make tea and talk about how rewarding it is to ignore dental hygiene and she found a dead body on the couch, I can see her actually just choosing to ignore it and continue with her polite conversation until the tea was finished and then politely see herself out. For 8 years. It’s easier just to ignore it. It’s not cleaner to though. Not cleaner. [source]

Two Komodo dragons have hatched at the Sedgwick County Zoo, apparently without the fertilization of a male. The dragons, both males, are believed to be the first in North America known to have hatched by parthenogenesis and I can just hear the militant lesbian feminists squealing with delight. “See, males ARE obsolete…it’s been proven by Komodo Dragons,” they’ll smugly proclaim as they channel that childhood rape anxiety into something quarantinable. I can’t tell if I’m offended by what I just wrote or whether I find it hilarious. Oh well. Anyway, this has been happening a bit, it happened in 2006 in the UK as well. What it means is that Komodo Dragons are essentially joining that class of animal that is heralding the warping of reality – like elephants that are raping other species. Elephants know what time it is and they’re losing their minds. Elephants and Komodo Dragons. I think it’s safe to now completely assume that the world is about to end. [source]

A leatherback turtle has been tracked swimming from the coast of the Papua province in Indonesia to Oregon, researchers said, in what may be the longest trip for marine vertebrae between breeding and feeding sites and look that may be the longest trip ever but maybe it’s important to look at what was prompting it to move that far. I think it’s safe to assume that that turtle got high shrooming and then just ended up there. Or maybe it was high on coke. Once I was at this party where these two girls got really high on coke and they got all manic about cleaning. So, the next morning when Sarah woke up she found her entire apartment spotless and can I just say it was TRASHED at the party. Those coke girls cleaned it from top to bottom while she was asleep. They even put the razors in order or size. OR my step sister told me this story about how her friend did shrooms and woke up several days later naked on the Gold Coast of Queensland. He was originally from Sydney. The truth is, I’m not so sure what is going on here so I just rehashed those old anecdotes. My guess is that the world is coming to an end so the turtle went to get the hell out of there, which judging by the Komodo dragon deal above, is likely. OR that Celine Dion is about to start up a 5 year contract of performing under the sea in Indonesia. I applaud that turtle no matter WHAT prompted him to move. [source]

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