Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Researchers have just discovered the fossilized bones of a frog the size of a bowling ball, with heavy armor and teeth, lived among dinosaurs millions of years ago — intimidating enough that scientists who unearthed its fossils dubbed the beast Beelzebufo, or Devil Toad. They also say it could have eaten baby dinosaurs. I must say, I’m pretty glad about this new discovery. I mean, sure, it’s been dead for millions of years but it beats the crap out of the discovery of another god damned slow assed rat beast from the jungle. Plus, this oddly large and viscously toothed amphibian is so much like some kind of cartoon villain (Sort of Greenback from Danger Mouse meets one of those weird deep sea fish with huge jagged teeth but also add in a little top note of Damian from The Omen movies) and I find that entertaining and humourous. Watching a fat lump of wet amphibian flop its way over to a dinosaur nest and then suddenly open up jaws and lascerate the shit out of a baby raptor was probably an unexpectedly shocking dinner party trick for cave men; one that would illicit gasps and then laughter and mild applause amid the clinking of glasses. I just had a really intense weekend. Bear with me. [source]

Angered by his girlfriend's smoking, a German man used a fire extinguisher to put out her cigarette. The apartment now looks like it snowed inside -- and boyfriend was hauled downtown. Sometimes, though, when people smoke inside it becomes this ongoing source of anxiety which, over time, musters up a level of rage unsurpassed. Because smokers do this thing where they pretend they don’t know what they’re doing but they know. They know and they continue to do it. And it builds up like some kind of boiling rage and finally you just want to throw a bucket of water on them. When I was at high school these people I knew were just obsessed with smoking and I thought it was so utterly boring. I remember once one of them blew smoke in my face so I just stood up and projectile vomited all over his face for like 3 minutes. He started to cry and so I kept vomiting into his mouth. I felt calm after that. It took like two years to get to that level of rage so I totally understand the fire extinguisher. I also think that there’s a lot of value in what he did on a comedic level. “Oh you want to smoke, yes?! Well, smoke THIS WHORE!” and then he just goes nuts with a fire extinguisher. I mean, it’s classic physical comedy. [source]

A southwest Florida church issued a challenge for its married members: They’re to have sex every day. Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth issued the 30-day sex challenge to take on high divorce rates and my gosh, I wasn’t expecting that! A church! Talking about Sex! Encouraging Sex! Why, that’s not the type of thing I would have expected from a CHURCH! The CHURCH OF CHRIST! Well, now – with that kind of unexpected gesture I might just reconsider being a Christian. Because, if they’re not completely celibate and sex-hating as I previously though, who KNOWS how cool it might be to be a Christian. And that's no different for people who attend church," Wirth said Sunday. "Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way." Here I was thinking that when you’re a Christian, reality gets in the way but look! Maybe not so much! In fact, this is the second time in three days that Christians have seemed totally radical, dude. On the weekend these Christians were on the L train evangelizing and they waited until we were under the East River to start their ghetto-brand, rap, gospel singing. “Does anyone on the L Train love JESUS?” they sang. They dressed like gangsters but they were STILL CHRISTIAN! FUCKING SHITTING HELL! What the FUCK is going ON!? It’s like the world has gone mad. Christians! On the L Train! Dressed in street clothes! I wonder how the Floridian church feels about ass fucking. I hope someone in the congregation asked. I hope it was an elderly woman and I hope she literally said, “Ass fucking”. [source]

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