Thursday, February 21, 2008

People Magazine has broken the fascinating story that Jessica Simpson is not, in fact, the incarnation of failure that her life over the past two to three years would so clearly and relentlessly suggest. While her recent cinematic masterpiece “Blonde Ambition” was actually borderline cinematic abuse and only made around 2000 dollars in the US in its opening weekend, in the UKRAINE, it seems, she’s a much bigger star.

Her latest film, Blonde Ambition, hit No. 1 in Ukraine, grossing $253,008 for the weekend of Feb. 14-17, Box Office Mojo reports.

Of course, people in the Ukraine also pay for things with goats, potato liquor and hemp so it’s likely that the box office takings were actually even higher. What a stunning insight this is into the cultural density of the Ukraine.

Apparently, people from the Ukraine like escapist movies even more than Americans so if they’re presented with the choice between reality and a Jessica Simpson movie, they’re statistically quite likely to choose the latter quite quickly. I think that’s actually extremely distressing and I’d be willing to research and see if that qualifies them for some kind of international intervention. A cultural intervention wherein the nation is given free Prozac or something. Something must be done for the people of the Ukraine. They are nationally depressed. [source]

1 comment:

mac said...

will you write something about this ever growing list of celebrities, who are only famous now these days because of how they get into tabloids. I mean Jessica Simpson, the last major thing she did was their TV show and dukes of hazard, she hasnt properly released any music since like what? 2004?
the only good movie Lindsay ever made was Mean Girls...every other movie since has failed to spark much fire.

oh and this one kills me: Joss bloody Stone...she had ONE single and her second album flopped and people still talk about her. WTF