Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

A British firm claims to have designed a hypersonic passenger plane twice the length of a regular jumbo that could one day 25 years from now fly between Europe and Australia in less than five hours. When you consider that that flight is usually around 24 hours and it’s also usually packed with legions of sports teams in uniforms and unimaginative ex-university students hoping to avoid life for a few years then anything that cuts short that traditionally hateful journey is undeniably impressive. Apparently the plane, called the A2, would run on liquid hydrogen and can fly at 4000 miles per hour making it environmentally sound AND a record breaking marvel. In fact, this plane is sort of the aircraft equivalent of that over achieving hot guy at high school. The one you want to kick really hard but you would also totally go out with in a second and when you leave school you check up on him every now and then waiting to see if he got fat and married because that would be pathetic. My question remains, however, DOES Europe really NEED any more Australians? Oh, I kid. I love my people. Really, there's nothing more reassuring than an Australian accent. [source]

Tortoise experts say unseasonably warm weather this winter has woken many of the reptiles early, leaving their owners needing to keep them warm through any new cold snaps that could kill them. “The fridge is an ideal method and a proven way of being safe in a changing climate," said Joy Bloor, owner of one of country's largest sanctuaries, the Tortoise Garden in Cornwall, where dozens of tortoises have woken early this year. Gosh Cornwall must be a fascinating place to live when a dozen tortoises waking up early prompts international media coverage. You know what though? While I love tortoises and wish they could sleep, there’s this fuckwit baby boomer sales guy who is working right near me and he’s one of those unbearable middle management average AVERAGE men who just bumble around being average and boring and making mindless small talk. He insists on playing this jazz station that only plays shitty fucking elevator music and I HAVE to listen to it and I just want to scream. I really really do. If it were anything else playing it would be a little better but this is that light jazz piano and sax crap that is like the musical equivalent of a pastel vinyl lounge suite. In Florida. Suburban Florida. In a house where you can only get iceberg lettuce in your salad. When you couple that music with overheard conversations that include lines like “Hey! How bout that game!” - oh GOD I just want to scream. So, yeah, also – keep your tortoise in the fridge if it’s awake now. Apparently it’s a good idea. Someone in Cornwall said so. The music is still going/pain is unending. [source]

Brigitte Fell, an Australian transsexual, is suing two policemen for allegedly telling her unsuspecting boyfriend about her gender switch, leading to a violent confrontation, it was reported Wednesday. Fell's boyfriend was picked up by police for suspected theft in September 2006 and while he was in custody Stacey allegedly accessed confidential information about Fell, revealing she was born a man. Fell told the court that when Jacobson was released he stormed into her flat and confronted her, asking if what the police told him was true and he repeatedly smacked her in the face. If the police are convicted they’ll go to jail for 2 years.
This is what we in the biz call “spooking the beard” and frankly even if I were carrying weaponry, I’d still be pretty freaked out at the thought of outing a tranny to her boyfriend. Having said that, like he didn’t know. I don’t believe those tranny chaser men who say they don’t know. They know on a subconscious level what they’re doing. They like cock in a frock. Except this tranny may have had the whole op done so it could be even more of a faux pas. Sort of like this freak with his rancid saxophone music. Although, he probably thinks it’s classy. Like this is what he’d play in his apartment on a date night with some woman he is “courting”. He’d totally call it “courting” too. He’d make small talk, play face rapingly bad music and then eventually he’d make a move. He’d make a sexual advance. Plus, his kid would be asleep in the back room. She’d be slutty looking with too much jewelry and she’d be in a tank top. Probably not unlike the trannie mentioned above who is suing for breach of confidentiality (just in case you lost track). [source]

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