Friday, July 13, 2007

Week #28 in Review

Antagonistic gestures designed entirely to control the way journalists perform their job were crystallized as a trend in generating publicity this week when Nick Lachey and Madonna took cues from Angelina Jolie and Victoria Beckham and laid down ground rules about how journalists were allowed to cover them. Lachey arranged to have his satellite feed cut at the precise moment he was asked about sex photos of himself while being interviewed about sport on Good Day New York just to make sure everyone knew he was refusing to talk about it. When sitting in a press conference centered on her involvement with Live Earth, Madonna refused to be asked questions about her family and insisted that all journalists look her directly in the eye when speaking with her and that none of them use notes or the conference would instantly be cancelled.

Miss New Jersey, Amy Polumbo, who claims she had recently been blackmailed by someone threatening to go public with shots of her from her own facebook profile went on the Today Show to firstly state that the images were not offensive or illegal and that she is a normal college girl. A day later she went on the Today Show and revealed all the shots claiming to want to head off the blackmailer and end the scandal.

In a publicity statement that was characterized as a blow in their alleged ongoing war to rule American pop culture David and Victoria Beckham appeared on the front cover and in a photo shoot in W magazine in the same week within which they finally and officially arrived at their new home in Beverly Hills - a building that includes a 360 degree image generator for Posh’s wardrobe and gold tap fixtures encrusted with jewels.

A photo of Prince Charles was published en-semi-masse because it was taken at precisely the moment when his hands looked like they were going to grope the breasts of a female military professional and the BBC was required to apologise to Queen Elizabeth II after it claimed she got angry at Annie Leibovitz while sitting for portraits. Leibovitz had suggested the Queen remove her crown as she felt it looked too “dressy”.

It was revealed that the reason behind Paris Hilton choosing to be interviewed on Larry King after she emerged from jail was entirely about money. CNN offered more money to Hilton than ABC did and as a result Barbara Walters’ story about how she turned the story down due to its “tawdry” nature was proven to be concocted.

TMZ owner Harvey Levin and Al Sharpton were throwing verbal punches at each other regarding allegations that TMZ was racist, Ivanka Trump was rumoured to be a potential replacement for Rosie O’Donnell on The View and Lindsay Lohan’s myspace e mail was hacked into revealing that she had sent romantic e mails to out lesbian DJ, Samantha Ronson.

In numbers and records news, the world’s tallest man finally wed his normal sized wife in a traditional Mongolian ceremony, a mansion formerly owned by William Randolph Hearst was listed for sale with an asking price of 165 million dollars making it the most expensive home ever listed in the US and research at the University of California, Los Angeles showed that men who have more muscle get more sex from women.
In Africa, Ugandan police retained a Ghanaian preacher under suspicion of fraud due to his use of magic tricks marking a rare moment of concern by the Ugandan government for its own people.

In Asia, Indian children who go to school near a graveyard were falling ill and complaining of nightmares involving ghosts so they were relocated to a new venue while local officials in China announced that flies now have a bounty set on them in an effort to promote hygiene in one rural area. In the lead up to the Beijing Olympics, a fashion parade featuring couture made entirely of condoms and in Japan, little envelopes of Japanese Yen and notes saying “fund your self enrichment” continued to be found in public toilets across the country.
In Malaysia, the Islamic opposition party announced that it would only back a candidate who did not smoke and further south in Australia a giant squid washed up on the beach in Tasmania while a couple whose son is named Max Hell withdrew their request to have Max put into a Catholic school after the school expressed concern at his name.

In Europe, women in Spain demanded their own running of the bulls but instead of bulls they wanted cows to run, in Berlin, the famous little polar bear cub Knut was taken out of the public spotlight where he has, since being abandoned by his mother, achieved international fame, so he can be socialized with other bears his own age and a Scottish couple who had been married only a few hours went on their honeymoon, got into a fight and the wife beat her husband in the head with a stiletto heel.

“She and her husband are still together,” the husband’s lawyer was quoted as saying. “Although this incident has not helped.”

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