Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Today in Extraordinary Odd

As part of their laser sharp singular vision for the Beijing Olympics, China is doing all sorts of important things. They’ve build a huge toilet, installed spittoons in cabs and outlawed shaved heads on cab drivers, they’ve shut down a third of the restaurants and now they’re having a fashion show entirely based on what you can make with condoms. This is, by far, the most lackluster thing the Chinese have done all year. For Christ’s sake, they hired a blind contractor to build a bridge and when he did it collapsed and they were all stressed about it. A condom based fashion show is not up to the standard that we have come to expect from the Chinese when it comes to vastly unnecessary public displays and frankly they’d better pull their socks up if they want the Olympics to be worth it. We need something like compulsory tattoos of the Olympic rings on new born heads. That would be worthy of the Chinese legacy. [source]

The most expensive US property ever is for sale right now and it’s on the market for 165 million dollars. The place used to belong to William Randolph Hearst and it has 29 bedrooms. Sorry, it ONLY has 29 bedrooms and I’m sure I’m not the first to say that it would suck owning that Beverly Hills mansion if you have 31 children (and these days, who DOESN’T have 31 children). That scenario leads onto the obvious question: Where are the guests going to stay? What a freaking piece of crap shack that place probably is. The up-side is though, that you get to be neighbours with Tom Cruise and his rent-a-wife and disapproving mother (who would totally want to know WHY you want to borrow that cup of sugar) on one side. On another you get Posh and Becks which should deliver plenty of great Beckham based voyeuristic action through a telescope but of course the fat, loud tracksuit clad chav doing donuts on the lawn while Posh layers on the fake tan and plucks her upper lip could be a bit of a turn off. I’d say, if you actually have 165 million bucks that you could sink on a house in Beverly Hills, why not settle for a 65 million dollar house and give the remaining 100 million to a charity that rehabilitates Darfur or you know, women in Iraq. [source]

A giant squid rolled up on the beach in Tasmania early this morning or last night and everyone there from the Museum seems more or less intrigued and interested. About a year ago some whale vomit washed up in Australia and that shit is sometimes more expensive than gold so it’s safe to assume that when that happened, people were happier. IT’s not that they weren’t happy this time the sea tossed its waste up to us (what a nice change for it – after we dump so much crap in the sea it’s nice to see it giving back) that a massive blubbery mass rolled up on beach. No, it’s not that they were unhappy when they saw the squid, it’s that they were happier when it was whale vomit. Oh, those whale vomit days. They were sort of like the sea garbage version of Studio 54 compared to this. [source]

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