Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tom Cruise could be on the “I’m capable of getting a woman pregnant” war path again because according to photos in the UK’s Daily Mail, Katie Holmes has got a pregnancy bump all of a sudden. What does this mean? Well, it could mean that she’s gone rummaging through her closet to find that dusty old prosthetic pregnancy strap on bump Tom Cruise seems so obsessed with shoveling down the throats of the international media while she was pregnant with Suri Cruise.

But, you know what, maybe she’s not pregnant – maybe she’s just stacking the weight on and it’s starting to show on her gut. It really could be either. Perhaps all she needs to do is lay off the tear washed midnight bacon and frosting inhalation sessions and that could be hard what with the soul destroying reality of her life with the Cruise matrons and the Christ figure of Scientology himself always around her.
Always watching, always judging. Maybe from the basement through secret cameras. Who knows what goes on in the Cruise household.
So, in conclusion, Katie Holmes might be pregnant, she might be wearing a strap on belly or she could just be getting fat. It’s bound to be a long drawn out riot no matter which one of those is true.

Once again though, as was the case with last week’s story about the Queen getting pissed off with Annie Liebovitz, some of the best material in this story is actually in the comments section.
Helen from Rossendale, Lancs says: “It's nice to see a Hollywood mother spending time with her child - Britney, take note.”
It’s always great when rancid middle class suburban mothers pull the self righteous angle on a celebrity in the comments section of a tabloid celeb gossip article. Totally great. Plus, the short, stunted judgmental, last three words are a real treat. Britney was probably reading and you can bet she DID take note. That comment is particularly edifying because it’s pretty clear Helen from Rossendale pursed her lips, closed her eyes and nodded slightly once she’d written that comment just to give herself a pat on the back for beign cruel but fair. Vile. Die. [source]

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