The Reluctant Whore

As the Beckhams continue to circle and selectively descend upon Los Angeles pop culture with press grabbing looks of English classist scorn painted over their faces, Paris Hilton can’t seem to give it away any more and even Sarah Silverman feels bad for her.

First she tries and fails to adhere herself to Posh and Becks only to be usurped by Tom Cruise and the Will Smith contingent. Then, after being dropped from her record label due to poor sales she sends a desperate note to Jay Kay from Jamiroquai asking to be his “Cosmic Girl” (incidentally, is that how it works when you’re a zeitgeisty muse? You just send a book to a borderline forgotten miniature rock star with a note inside the front cover and ask to be something really specific like a “cosmic girl”. Sure he wrote a song called “cosmic girl” but wouldn’t you be a little more specific about what you can contribute to the company? Like, surely she could have put in her word per minute rate and whether she knows how to use Excel).

On top of that, she appears to be dating a Australian who is trashing her behind her back. The trashing ordinarily wouldn’t be such a big deal because who doesn’t do that to her? It’s just that this time, it somehow seems a little more pathetic. Plus, now even the genius pretty smiling devil Sarah Silverman came out and said she feels bad for what she said about Paris Hilton at the MTV awards the day before Paris went to jail. For Sarah Silverman to offer pity to someone would take a lot of pathetic failure on behalf of the other person.

Although, it’s not all bad, let’s be fair. The Croatian website janvo.hr did graciously report that as her hard won career begins to topple and decompose, “Paris has been seen enjoying the company of her new pet dog Cinderella. The star and her Yorkshire Terrier wore matching leopard print swimsuits for a spot of surfing on a Malibu beach.” That’s always nice, isn’t it? Playing with your new dog? What about the old dog? Is that not of interest any more? A woman who once lucked into representing every cheap and self negating desire America clung to so as to avoid the horror of the Iraq War and what they elected to the White House is now simply playing with her dog on the beach in a bikini.

Oh, and Perez Hilton reports she’s also visiting children in hospital. Good for her. If this trend of dissipating public interest in her continues maybe she will have to buy or better yet, have a kid. Perhaps that is what she’s doing at the hospital; research. She can smell her own fear and she’s needing to medicate. [source] [source] [source]