Thursday, July 05, 2007

In the time honored, businesslike, bitchy schoolgirl technique of writing a considered, emotionally driven poem to communicate those intense, deep and personal feeling, Brit Brit first wrote a little poem to her mother entitled “Dear Momma” saying: “that she didn’t have a mom anymore and she couldn’t imagine a mother doing what she did to her child,” and even hand delivered to her mother. Wow, such an all encompassing gesture, heavy laden with depth and also meaningful expression. It does, however, beg the question: what did Lynn Spears actually do to her daughter. It’s often calming to imagine that the Spears family have a subterranean dungeon. Most children react well to that idea. Maybe that’s what Brit is referring to. Also, why not just do the old dead hooker in the pool gesture to your mother instead of wasting paper like that? How self indulgent. Why can't she just keep it all inside. Damn her.
Then, apparently fresh from heart dotted “I” school of high school note passing that Paris Hilton appears to have attended, Brit Brit wrote a little note to, employees from which she attacked with an umbrella. She writes:
Dear x17,
I want to apologize for the past incedent with the umbrella. I was preparing a character for a possible movie role where the husband doesn't play his part so they swap places. Unfortunatly I didn't get the part. I'm sorry I got alil carried away with my role!
And the same issue that always comes up when Britney does something, again rears its ugly head; where is her god damned publicist? Who the hell lets this shit leak onto the Internet. “Preparing for a character in a possible movie role”? That’s the oldest line in the book. People have been using that old line since it became illegal to beat your wife and kids in a public place. Unbelievable. If Aaron Spelling weren’t dead you’d think it was for a new and fascinatingly repetitive and camp soap opera. Set in space. Work it Brit.

Still, we’d all benefit if Britney were to continue writing. She is, after all, a gifted poet and, apparently, a gifted speller as well. [source] [source]

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