Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Hi, welcome.

(clasps hands and smiles leaning head slightly to the side then starts walking forward)

Let’s pretend we're vastly wealthy idiots who also have a female g-spot; that is to say we're pretending to be vastly wealthy idiots who are women, if you will. Now to set the scene for the game - basically we've just finished up spending vast amounts of cash on procedures such as having the dead skin eaten from our bodies by tiny fish , having our hair soaked in testosterone and protein rich bull semen, painting our nipples a brighter shade of red, having the freckles burnt off our arms with ointment that killed fish and burned idiot c-list celebrities on TV in China, having the years of chronic pointlessness that have shown up as age spots and wrinkles on our faces melted away with cripplingly expensive face cream that contains pure gold and placenta extract and keeping our metabolism up by washing with caffeine enriched soap, we still have a billion dollars, only half a brain cell and outrageously, our lack of purpose hasn’t quite melted away.

The game is: what happens now? Hmmm, what’s to do, what’s to do? What we're really looking for, and indeed seriously need, is a totally inane type of sexual pleasure enhancing plastic surgery that several real doctors have actually spoken out against and on which no respectable research has been conducted that costs several thousand dollars. After all, sex has always been a major weapon in our undying quest to avoid ourselves. Next to high tea, internet shopping and arbitrarily orchestrating the downfalls of our closest friends

WAIT! Here it is! Kick ASS! FOUND IT! It’s the G-Shot!

For a mere 1850, Dr. Justin Salerno in California will inject the g-spot with silicon thus heightening sexual sensation noticeably. Sounds like just what we're after! Let's sign up without hesitation!

And look, while it could easily cause upwards of 68 horrendously intrusive side effects including endless sexual arousal or totally abolished sexual arousal (it’s a nail biting gamble! Which way will it turn out?! Try it and find out for yourself!) and one of the first things the website advertising it asks us to do is legally acknowledge that we understand that it’s probably going to be a nightmare to deal with in 4 months and that we won’t sue – the reality is – it’s something to do in between forgetting we have children at college, downing prozac with glasses of champagne at 10am and finding the concept of self analysis and organic self discovery too time consuming and messy.

Did I mention we are a vastly wealthy idiots who are soon to have ginormous and alluring g-spots despite the outrageous healthy risks? I meant to. [source] [source]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i think you'll find this amusing/irritating...
xo Fiona Peel