Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Weathering the "aftermath” of the self commissioned video footage of David Hasselhoff drunk on the floor of his own bathroom trying to eat a hamburger, the Hoff works the angle for all it’s worth by saying,
“I just wish I’d used a knife and fork to eat that fucking burger.”
Yeah, you say that now, Hoff, but when you were sitting there on the floor on your bathroom, drunk and so desperate for attention that you’d actually get your own kid to film you on the verge of a galactic, Malibu and coke scented Technicolor yawn –at this point a knife and fork would have taken away from the drama of it all.

Lazily shoveling food into his drunken face with half assed pleas from his kid to stop drinking seemed to do the trick when a salivating Entertainment Tonight took it, plastered their logo all over the footage a safe and convenient three months after it was shot. Incidentally, what was the footage doing for three months? Maturing in a cave?

Three month later, the Hoff can prove he’s rehabilitated (at least for the time being) and NOW he can make hilarious, light hearted one-liners about the knife and fork. In fact, making light of the fundamentally horrifying footage is phase two. Phase one – get kid to film self drunk and being a dumb ass drunk jerk. Phase two – get over alcoholism for the time being, release footage to media and make light hearted fun of self while media covers the story. Which then leads on to the anticipated Phase three: get critical acclaim as actor from work offered due to coverage on ET.

It’s a shoe-in. Now, we’re just waiting for Phase Three to kick in. Any minute now…


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