Monday, May 14, 2007

Avril Lavigne is whining about Britney Spears again because, well, for starters Avril Lavigne’s entire public persona is based on whining, but apart from that, right now everything has been thrown out of whack for the corporately constructed anti-Spears because through her public breakdown, Britney seems to be racking up more “authentically fucked up” points than Lavigne ever had.

And let’s face it, without a squeaky clean nemesis to bicker about and define herself in relation to the Lav-ster basically ceases to exist. Oh, what a shame. So, quickly coming up with a new angle after her rancid, contrived, heavily styled album came out, Av wants to do a film. She could never do a Britney Spears deal like “Crossroads” or whatever the fuck saccharine shit flick Mandy Moore did though. She’s far to edgy® for that.

No, she couldn’t make it look like she was just multi-tasking. It would have be a gritty, envelope pushing vehicle through which she could be pouty, anti-establishment and stay up past 10pm and where she could fail to understand irony and no one would punish her. She suggests something like “Girl, Interrupted” but really, what she wants is a film where she gets to hang out with a gang of ex-Abercrombie and Fitch boys who all wear torn up jeans and eyeliner now because they were made to clean their rooms and they’re just fed up with being pushed around by their parents. They travel around in a combi van solving mysteries and they get into karate fights. Avril would sometimes actually do the stunts for real. But only when her husband was being a dick and she really felt the rage.

Oh God…that’s right, she’s actually married. Ok, I need to stop. [source]

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