Finally, the Sudanese man who was forced to marry the goat last year is free to marry a human after the goat, Rose, choked on a plastic bag and died. After he got drunk one night, the man was found rogering the goat and the goat’s owner insisted on marriage to maintain the goat’s virtue (god, it’s actually hard to follow that up with anything – it’s just so self contained). This must be a relief for the widower who can now follow up on all those offers of dates from smart and attractive women he must have had to relentlessly turn down while married. [source]
Israeli drivers carefully drove around a rapidly dying and then actually dead motorcyclist who had been in an accident and was lying on the side of a road. With their endless exposure to Palestinian bombings, maybe it’s just that they are numb to tragic accidents and without multiple dead bodies the accident seemed unremarkable. Alternatively, perhaps most drivers simply didn’t have the time to stop and feared dirtying their shoes on the muck that had spewed from the corpse of the dead motorist. Maybe it’s a little from column A and a little from column B. [source]
As we stand by watching cans of the recently banned “cocaine” energy drink be lifted from shelves by idiots who think they’ll look cool conspicuously downing the drink in a few weeks when no one else can buy it and retailers who immediately toe the line when the FDA bans something, it's hard not to shed a tear. A mere twelve-ish months after launching the product, the FDA has decided to rule that calling an energy drink “Cocaine” is illegal. But, never fear, the manufacturers are convinced that they can maintain an edge in the sparsely catered to caffeine-drink-in-a-slim-can market by marketing their product under another name. After all, what was in the name anyway – the kids loved the cough syrup taste. [source]
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