Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

If there was a way of making more perversely crap television than forcing obese UK teenagers to survive in the Australian outback then you’d have to be taking LSD regularly to get to the part of the brain that would have that idea locked away. Oh, that’s mean. Why is this show, bluntly titled “Fat Teens Can’t Hunt” (which for some reason makes me think of the word “cunt” ) going to be great? Well, it’ll be great for people who like to watch TV and hate the people they see because there’s bound to be nothing attractive about a collection of spoilt lazy ghost white English kids whose cultural legacy will be hundred of years of simply sitting around complaining about everything. Seeing as they’ll do that no matter what, perhaps it would be fun to give them something to complain about. We mustn’t stop taunting until one of them faints. It’s the only way they’ll learn. [source]

Fascinatingly scandalous and shocking news comes tearing mercilessly out of Maryland with the news that visitors spending the day in Walkersville Park, Maryland will have to bring their own toilet paper because vandals lit a roll on fire. Who knew the National Park service in Maryland was run like a third grade class but no doubt during assembly it was made expressedly clear that the actions of a few stupid boys have ruined it for the rest of the state. Furthermore, as we’ve learned through bigger examples in bigger cities (like the symbolic banning of the word “ nigger” ) if one person says something and it’s offensive, the only mature and socially effective course of action is outlawing the action across the board. That’s why, with a drinking age of 21 and abstinence only being taught in schools, the US barely struggles with teenaged alcoholism or pregnancy. Somewhere in Maryland there’s a tightlipped Parks administrator sticking to her guns. She’s also probably wearing sensible shoes and forgoing that piece of cake because she had one yesterday.[source]

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