An elephant in Alaska named Maggie is so depressed that firefighters were called in to lift her. She’s a 25 year old African elephant so living in Alaska is proving to not be conducive to the elephant’s health. Regardless, firefighters were asked to get her to stand up, no doubt to animate her in one of the biggest, elephant based re-enactments of Weekend at Bernie’s ever staged. Why? “Get out there and dance Maggie…DANCE! And keep it perky, dammit” That’s why. Ok wait – screw that. Sad elephants are among the most heart wrenching things ever. Fuck the Alaska Zoo for forcing her to stay there when she’s obviously been displaying signs of depression for a long while before this. The report said she has been the only elephant in the zoo since 1997. Everyone knows elephants are insanely smart and emotional. What the fuck is with keeping an elephant so isolated? [source] [source]
The now bankrupt Japanese city of Yubari managed to offload two melons for the reasonable price of approximately US$12,000. Because when you’ve got nothing else to sell, you whip out the melons, slap a price tag on them and try not to cry while parading them around. Someone in the article is quoted as saying that less extravagant Yubari melons could be bought for around 5,000 yen but frankly, who would want to see less extravagant melons? In fact, what actually constitutes an extravagant melon? Jesus, what the hell is going on? [source]
Fort Hays State University has just awarded a Bachelor’s degree to the world’s oldest student, 95 year old Nola Ochs who studied history and now plans to go back and study more. Well, for her it wasn’t so much history as it was re-telling what, for her, was once a series of current events. Kudos to you Nola Ochs for not just giving up cause you’re old. [source]
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