Tuesday, May 08, 2007

In an attempt to get Paris Hilton out of her jail sentence, one of Paris’ friends, Joshua has started a petition to somehow document just how upset everyone is that Paris has been sentenced to jail for repeatedly breaking the law and obviously to get her off. Obviously, no doubt, after grabbing himself by the hair, prying his face from the vomit covered Versace homewares mirror he calls a pillow and figuring out what to wear to mark the exact moment he decided to work on something besides his abs and tan.

Because, at the base of it, it’s just so desperately unfair and unreasonable that after she drove with no license and ignored a judge’s ruling that someone actually require her to address her behaviour! She’s never had to do that before, why NOW?!

Apart from the fact that Paris has urged people on her myspace page to sign the petition by spelling “sign” with an “h” instead of a “g” – indicating once again a failure on her behalf to adhere to a set of rules; in this case linguistic ones – some of the most remarkable comments have been left on Paris’ myspace account offering support and explaining how much she is worth to the little people who consume her products with no irony. As would be expected from a demographic of half wit, cultural shit eaters there are a few minor discrepancies in some arguments. But only a few. See if YOU can pick them!

Myspacer “Jolly” rather shrewdly points out:

I know Governor Schwarzenegger is a reasonable man. Paris could be considered one of her child, being one of its local member. Paris will be in good hands. The Governor had been a reasonable father and citizen of the US. I support you both Paris and your local government. :)

Indeed, Jolly. Paris could be considered “one of her child” , it’s true. You are also correct to point out that Paris will be in good hands (gosh, Jolly – really hitting your mark this morning!) Similarly, it’s wise to offer support to Paris’ local government as it so clearly exists.

Jolly then posts again, suggesting reasons behind a “blunder”:

Oh my goodness, of all the blunders I ever made..... forgive me for this typo. His child I mean, instead of her. I am distracted with the opening entry for this petition, I guess I am affected by it. :)

Yes, Jolly. Of all the blunders you made in thinking about what you were about to write, actually writing and posting those thoughts, being a fan of Paris Hilton and indeed getting out of bed in the morning, the typo you made was the biggest “blunder” for which you require forgiveness. Fear not – we’re all affected Jolly. Paris Hilton going to jail affects us all. Just breathe.

Moving on, though, to thoughts posted by Simone of Free Paris and a self described .1 fan & biggest supporter always (of Paris Hilton). Simone feels that despite Paris’ inclination toward racism, elitism and homophobia as hinted at through the release of that short film on which she was seen and heard using the words “nigger” and “faggot”, and indeed the fact that Simone herself is black and was hurt by that, Paris still doesn’t deserve jailtime.

I signed it!

I wrote this to you in a message but i figured you would have a bunch of messages so I put it in a comment but you get like millions so I'll post it here:

Hi Paris my name is Simone & I'm your BIGGEST fan. I really want to start out by saying how upset & pissed I am you have to go to jail. I swear 2 god I cried because this is really ridiculous! The 1st thing that came 2 mind was that was the judge's decision because you are who you are. I don't think it's fair & it's not right! I was shoked when I found out but then I was like I should have seen it coming. You're really a misunderstood woman & it's not fair 2 you 2 be judged the way you are.

I'm not goin 2 lie I don't always agree with what you do but I know most of things the media says are lies.No matter what happens I'm always going 2 support you because I LOVE YOU! Alot of peoply disagree with you being my idol but I don't care because I actually take the time out to watch VH1 shows on the real you & read about the real you when other people just judge you strictly on the bad things they hear.

I'm not like that & I'm not going 2 ever be like that. I did see the video w/ you saying the "N" word & @ I laughed at it. Deep inside I was hurt but i just had 2 brush it off because that's something 2 small for me to change my mind about you. You're a beautiful person inside & out (I know I don't know you but I'm a good judge of character). I'm only 16 but I do know your not a criminal & I do know you shouldn't be treated like shit.

I hate it when people bad mouth you! Only you know what it's like 2 walk in your shoes & be constantly critisize. I really wish people started 2 show you more respect & treat you like the BEAUTIFUL woman you are! I really hope you read this because it's coming from my heart & it kills me 2 see you have 2 go down like this! I LOVE YOU PARIS HILTON!

Your .1 fan & biggest supporter always:


Indeed, it is ridiculous, Simone. And Paris marginalizing you as a black woman by calling black people “niggers” is a small trivial detail too. Especially when you consider how much she gives back. To you personally. Let’s all take a moment to think about how Simone must be feeling now and send her a general wish that she put down the proverbial razor blade.

In true Australian style, Alexxx manages to work the Australian angle in there too by proving she’s Australian ahead of time and then offering support. Oh Alex with three rather pornographic Xs in your name, it doesn’t matter what you have to say just keep talking with that adorable accent of yours and hammer it home for all to hear.

I signed it.Don't know if Australians are supposed to, but I did anyway.Don't worry Paris;; you'll get out early.You will be the hottest in-mate ever.Stay strong okay.Lots of love.-Alexxxoxo

And Alexxx presents a rather well formed case there. She’s probably right too, Paris will get out early. Why? Not sure but it’ll happen if we just believe in our hearts.

And finally, a rather rage filled Christine sums up feeling of intense anger we might all have by exclaiming:

just signed it, i signed another one that's going around too!!! u have all my support!!! this is fucking bullshit!!!!

It sure is Christine. It sure is.

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