The Reluctant Whore

Yes, it was too much for the public to bear. At the end of the day even the gas guzzling, corn syrup eating, obese, depressed American public can’t pour scorn on their muse for too long and all of a sudden Paris Hilton’s sentence has been reduced to 23 days and she’ll be swaning around in a special cell – separate from everyone else with an hour to shower every day. This, as far as cultural gestures go, is about as clear as it gets that celebrities in the US can do a whole lot more than regular people by virtue of the fact that public consciousness finds it really hard to punish its symbols of hope.

Still, you can’t just let her off the hook without a reason so, whoever it was that came up with this spin decided that Paris should get a break because of “good behaviour”.


What exactly IS good behaviour?


She emphatically DIDN’T drive her Bentley? She didn’t go out for a week?


She dressed in Laura Ashley and went to Church with her sister once – that would have knocked a week off on its own. The old Fraulein Maria defense. Oldest trick in the book.


She’s still got 23 days to knock off her sentence though, so there’s still a few massive gestures needed to get her off the hook entirely. Like, maybe she would indeed be wise to dress in full nun’s habit and walk solemnly through the streets of South Central L A penitently chanting psalms and dragging a rickshaw which the locals could ride in whenever they wanted to get somewhere. Plus, every hour on the hour she had to stand up on a wooden box and debate to an audience different moral questions. Like, maybe that free will is an illusion. And also, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, would it make a sound?

Also, maybe she could wash up. Everything.


That might whittle the sentence down to a long weekend.


While this is a terrifying confirmation that if you’re rich or famous you can buy your way out of responsibility, the down side for Paris is that she probably won’t become the all powerful celebu-beast from time spent in that metamorphosis cocoon jail – so, too bad for her. She loses out. [source]