Friday, May 04, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

You know how some countries have those weird assed mythical foods that are meant to enhance everything that are made from ingredients tiger penis and mosquito aneurism? Well, Peruvians may very well be topping the nausea inducing list with Frog Juice – a drink that, not surprisingly, enhances vitality and acts as a kind of aphrodisiac. Why is it that every weird assed drink or food made from the half living processed innards of a tortured animal is always centered around trying to enhance vitality for sexual potency? Well, sort of like watching the relentless soft core porn that constitutes American pop culture, really. Everything is packaged to present a chance a feeling like you want to get off. Still, the Peruvians get to sit up there at the top of the list with the freaks in Asia who eat still beating cobra hearts and the freaks in Middle America who eat “cheese” made out of gasoline bi-product. [source]

So some unchecked freak teacher in New York, in order to demonstrate how NOT to hit a drum, had a student hit himself in the head. This is what happens when teachers get mild God complexes and don’t spend enough time with adults. There was another teacher the other day who had a young girl dress up like a mermaid so he could photograph her. The reportage for both of these stories was worded in this way where you have the teacher being delicately relieved of their job and the tone of the article is always … “there was some unpleasantness…that teacher has been moved away…” Yes…the … “unpleasantness” [source]

Administrative Law Judge Roy L. Pearson Jr. is facing potential reappointment and it’s all because of a tiny little lawsuit he filed against some dry cleaners who lost a pair of his pants a while back. All he really wants is about 650 million dollars for the mental anguish he suffered for the pant-related mishap and really, when it comes to pants, there’s no excuse for messing around. How can he possibly be expected to judge without his lucky judging pants. In fact, it’s prudent and genuinely rational to consider that, in fact, all his judging powers are pant based and without them he is powerless and should therefore be granted MORE money. Pants are not to be messed around with. Give the man his money and also, while we’re at it, make him King. To the pant losing Laundromat people: SHAME. [source]

This isn’t so much “extraordinarily odd” as it is “extraordinarily predictable” and mind assaultingly pathetic but either way it’s interesting to point out that former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey who was outted and had to resign over corruption allegations – amid further controversy surrounding his marriage because his wife is currently peddling her tell-all on the talk show circuit – is doing an Alec Baldwin and trying to muster up a little public forgiveness by joining the seminary. There’s no better way to muster up public sympathy than by infusing undeniable homosexuality with the cloth. [source]

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