Currently incarcerated Girls Gone Wild owner Joe Francis writing a terse reply to Candy Spelling is sort of like Tawny Kitaen attacking Florence Henderson on the Surreal Life. Sure, he might be right and sure it might be a good gutter level swipe designed to muster up some publicity but when you lash out at a cultural matron, you’re going to come off as a loser no matter what.
Still, cultural realities aside, Joe Francis battled on and gave it a bit of a go with his weekend letter to Candy Spelling from jail, also delivered to her (and everyone else) through TMZ. Because apparently TMZ is some kind of new celebrity e mail server. Click here for the original letter sent by Candy. Here’s what Joe Francis wrote back:
Dear Candy:
Still, cultural realities aside, Joe Francis battled on and gave it a bit of a go with his weekend letter to Candy Spelling from jail, also delivered to her (and everyone else) through TMZ. Because apparently TMZ is some kind of new celebrity e mail server. Click here for the original letter sent by Candy. Here’s what Joe Francis wrote back:
Dear Candy:
I don't know you, I have never met you and I don't know anything about you.
After reading your letter posted on the internet, my mental picture of you is of a lonely old woman living in a mansion in Holmby Hills with let's say 300 cats jumping around, some in their own feces.
I have tried to think to myself what would compel a woman such as yourself to write a letter to someone they have never met? Even worse, you are making up your mind based on headlines. I can understand you writing Paris Hilton a letter out of care because as you said in your letter, you have known her most of her life. Then again, it's sad and pathetic you had the audacity to post that letter on the internet instead of just sending it to Paris personally.
Candy, you don't know any of the facts concerning my situation. I am a hardworking, compassionate and honest person. I will prevail just as I have in the past because overcoming adversity is not only a part of the entrepreneurial experience but a part of life. You should appreciate this and know this more than anyone and I am ashamed of you for forgetting how hard it is to make it in this world and the people who would love to tear you down because you have. Sadly, it appears you have become one of those people.Contrary to what you have said in your letter, my world has not changed.
My business Girls Gone Wild is thriving and posted record sales last month. Most important, my friends and my family (I love you guys....) have stood by me. This whole situation will be over soon and I will be standing strong. I have never played a victim but I have always been a fighter. I will ultimately prevail in the matters at hand but I am concerned that you will die a lonely and unfulfilled person playing with those cats and posting open letters to people you have never met on the internet.
Sincerely,
Joe Francis
WOW. SNAP! And the thing is – he’s pretty much handled it really well. Sure, he comes off as a bit mean to an oldish woman but after all, he’s in Federal Prison under a lot of pressure, remembering each night as he falls asleep to the wailing and gnashing of teeth from his fellow inmates that only 6 months ago he fell asleep every night in a jacuzzi with six 19 year old cheerleading whores, drunk on Cristal champagne. What the hell is she doing talking to him like that - or, as he puts it – at all? He’s not hysterical or freaked out, it’s a pretty composed letter. He even gets in a great reference to cat feces in the beginning. Doesn’t he come off like the winner of the argument? Ah…sadly not.
Prior to this letter, Mrs Spelling also sent unsolicited advice to Paris Hilton telling her to grow up and to Larry Birkhead to make sure his hair always looks right. Everyone thought it was charming, nice, newsworthy and more or less spot on, motherly advice at the most even if it was kind of bizarre that she’d take it upon herself to actually bother. But, then, who is going to beat down Candy Spelling and make fun of her for being a dottering old lady? No one, that’s who. She’s the trophy wife of the late father of formulaic crap camp TV. She never did anyone harm. Hell, maybe she has some good advice. She’s a lovely older woman and she may as well be OUR mother, not just Tori and Randy’s.
Just as the audience of VH1’s The Surreal Life 6 saw Florence Henderson as a mother figure a few months back and immediately sided with her when 80s gutter trash groupie whore, Tawny Kitaen tore into her, so too will they see Candy Spelling as a mother figure and it doesn’t matter what Joe Francis says. People don’t like to see their mothers attacked and they especially don’t like to see their mother attacked by a childish, dried up groupie or a wealthy smut peddler. It’s the same thing with Francis and Spelling as it was with Kitaen and Henderson.
Grand matrons never lose because behind that caring smile and warming look there's a vicious animal that is always ready to kill to protect their flock.
WOW. SNAP! And the thing is – he’s pretty much handled it really well. Sure, he comes off as a bit mean to an oldish woman but after all, he’s in Federal Prison under a lot of pressure, remembering each night as he falls asleep to the wailing and gnashing of teeth from his fellow inmates that only 6 months ago he fell asleep every night in a jacuzzi with six 19 year old cheerleading whores, drunk on Cristal champagne. What the hell is she doing talking to him like that - or, as he puts it – at all? He’s not hysterical or freaked out, it’s a pretty composed letter. He even gets in a great reference to cat feces in the beginning. Doesn’t he come off like the winner of the argument? Ah…sadly not.
Prior to this letter, Mrs Spelling also sent unsolicited advice to Paris Hilton telling her to grow up and to Larry Birkhead to make sure his hair always looks right. Everyone thought it was charming, nice, newsworthy and more or less spot on, motherly advice at the most even if it was kind of bizarre that she’d take it upon herself to actually bother. But, then, who is going to beat down Candy Spelling and make fun of her for being a dottering old lady? No one, that’s who. She’s the trophy wife of the late father of formulaic crap camp TV. She never did anyone harm. Hell, maybe she has some good advice. She’s a lovely older woman and she may as well be OUR mother, not just Tori and Randy’s.
Just as the audience of VH1’s The Surreal Life 6 saw Florence Henderson as a mother figure a few months back and immediately sided with her when 80s gutter trash groupie whore, Tawny Kitaen tore into her, so too will they see Candy Spelling as a mother figure and it doesn’t matter what Joe Francis says. People don’t like to see their mothers attacked and they especially don’t like to see their mother attacked by a childish, dried up groupie or a wealthy smut peddler. It’s the same thing with Francis and Spelling as it was with Kitaen and Henderson.
Grand matrons never lose because behind that caring smile and warming look there's a vicious animal that is always ready to kill to protect their flock.Well, they don’t lose until they’re attacked by a grander matron. Yes, if the grand matron like Candy and Flo had a slap down, in a boxing ring in full Victorian garb that would be interesting. But Joe Francis? He never stood a chance. [source]
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