Thursday, May 03, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd


LiveScience.com reports that one third of pets are obese which means one third of pet owners are complete ludicrous failures. It takes some real adherence to a lifestyle that includes relentless sloth and intoxication by donut but, as statistics released last year by Medical News Today suggest, 30% of Americans are obese too making the pet to human ratio about equal. Mexicans follow closely behind because with 24.2%, the English are up next with about 23% (which is probably because it’s cold and dark in the UK and people there like avoiding that fact by eating suet pudding and really strong cheese …only). Japan is all the way down the bottom of the list at about 2.3% of people on account of the raw fish and punishing work ethic and of course, France hovers at about 9% because a lot of calories can be burnt through a strict program of social rudeness and repressed rage at a cheating spouse. Those are the main reasons.

Anyway, so, yeah, pets are as obese as their owners in America. And the thing about this is, often, people eat shitty, cheap food full of toxins and calories because it fills the crippling void within OR because they can’t afford or don’t have access to anything else and they don’t know any better. You can also live with someone who eats crap and they can influence you to eat crap and then you can have an enabling relationship where you both eat crap together (probably while watching reality TV) and you can kind of gauge their responses to food and Paris Hilton, you can revel in that response and feel totally safe from the horror of your own reality. It just means you both suck and need to fucking stop eating crap and acting like moronic children.

When your pet is fat you’re not just an enabler, you’re a crippler because pets don’t actually feed themselves. What is so fucking hard about avoiding a fat related death for your pet? Just feed it less.


Technically, if you’re too pathetically inert to get up and burn lard off your own ass, feeding your pet less should actually work within your daily routine because you’re actually moving less material from the can to the bowl. It constitutes less exercise. Less exercise means more inert time and more inert time is what you’re after if you’re an insistently fat and lazy slob. Consequently, if you’re fat and so is your pet not only are you a failure as a thin person, you’re also a failure as a whole heartedly fat person. Get with the program. [source] [source]

1 comment:

Faith said...

OK, I'm all with you on this, but as the owner of a dog with a weight problem, it's not always as easy as you suggest. Between his thyroid being an issue and his medication for that, and the fact that he gets steroid injections every 4-5 weeks as the only successful treatment for his severe allergies to literally everything (including cats), it's not so easy to keep this guy at his proper weight.

I know, he's probably the special case, but still, I think there's also some issue of people not taking enough time and/or money to fully evaulate their pet's health and/or genetic issues -- and with all the puppy mill inbreding, there's just a generation or seven of pets with built in genetic problems that cause overweightness and not enough people responsible enough -- or willing to spend the monty -- to get the problems under control the way they need to be.

That said, I saw a show on some channel last week with a zillion pound Rottweiler in the UK that looked like an ox. Really.