Tuesday, March 06, 2007

From the same school of myopic, "never heard the word no", coke addled Vice Presidents of Marketing and Product Development thought that brought us the "Do it Yourself Disect a Frog Kit" back before Christmas comes a new and evidently vital line of breast enhancing war paint , called Benetint that is designed to enhance the color of women's aureola. (Bene - from benefit, Tint - from, well, Tint - toys with the notion that tinting will benefit you. GENIUS!).

Before we all roll our eyes, let's face it, if anal bleaching can be the treatment du jour in LA and NYC for at least 18 months and you can bet there was a flurry of snow white anuses peppering the a, b, and c-lists in both cities - painting your breasts is nothing.

Furthermore, Sephora isn't some fly by the seat of your pants, gimmick tent set up overnight in the hopes of flogging some snake oil infused cold cream that fell off the back of a truck. They're a multi million dollar international company.

There's no way Sephora would carry a product designed to enhance the nipple so specifically unless they'd tested it on a million and forty test organisms for months prior to release which really proves that some women, enough women, actually do go to the extent of painting their breasts to look good. Or, even if they don't yet, they actually probably really want to.

But, for the sake of argument, consider this: Could the fashion and cosmetics industry, in what would, no doubt, constitute an industry first, simply be calling everyone's bluff by getting behind such a ludicrous product with the inkling that if they don't try too hard to justify it it will seem like a perfectly reasonable product?

"What do you mean you don't need nipple paint? Well, look, if you want to take that risk and reveal unpainted nipples the next time you're at Butter and you want a free drink then be our guest...we have other customers to see to..."

Stand by for Entertainment Tonight to include the flawlessly integrated editorial content "Unpainted Nipple Alert: ELEVATED" in its news feed.

Oh, the panic.

1 comment:

DavisMcDavis said...

Benefit's Benetint has been around for years as a lip stain, so it's not like they made a new product specifically for nipple tinting. It's just a red liquid made from rose petals that's used to tint anything you want tinted, which is generally lips and cheeks.

Tinting one's nipples is not a new concept to those who have seen the classic dirty-chick flick, "Two Moon Junction" (from the same guy who made "9 1/2 Weeks" and "Wild Orchid.")

There's a slutty character in that movie who's seen putting rouge on her nipples under a lacy top, who brightly explains to her not-quite-a-whore-yet friend, "It makes it easier for the guys to see them!"

Later on in the movie, the male lead takes off all of his clothes. Those two memorable events have seared the movie into my brain.

[By the way, if you happen to rent the DVD, make sure you watch the pan-and-scan version and not the widescreen version. It's one of those weird situations where the aspect ratio gives you a few extra inches of image right where it counts. wink wink]