Monday, March 12, 2007

Celebrity Madness

The Bahamian Minister of Immigration who denied having an affair with Anna Nicole Smith right before he resigned so he could quell public distraction from the pending election in the Bahamas DID in fact relentlessly call Anna Nicole at night, no doubt to discuss immigration matters – as he would probably do with every Bahamian immigrant hopeful. [source] Why not listen to Anna Nicole’s voicemail if you're not sure you beleive it.

Snoop Dog is arrested on drug charges in Sweden which marks the fourth time he’s been arrested in the past year. [source]

Richard Jeni, the man who brilliantly suggested the film Jaws 4 be re-titled, “Here’s a Fish, You’re a Moron” is tragically dead at 45 from a gunshot wound.[source]

Al Sharpton presides over the funeral of James Brown as he’s finally buried after close to three months of will-based bickering among the family.[source]

Britney apparently has bulimia as well as post partum depression and a hotel is cashing in by offering the Britney Breakdown package. The package includes a trip to a salon to get your hair done – note the hilariously bitchy afternote suggesting you should avoid “la Sheers” – because “sheers” rhymes with Spears and it’s also a daring reference to the fact that Britney cut off all her hair (wow, they were brave enough to say what everyone else was thinking, no one’s ever mentioned it before – I’m dying!), a gift certificate to H and M which is a place Britney was never associated with either professionally or even to simply buy clothes for an amount Britney probably would never have spent in one sitting (25 dollars) (although they do attempt to link it in by saying randomly that “swimsuits are never clubwear” (!?) ), a “hanky panky” lace thong (Britney wasn’t wearing panties – that was the whole point) a Marc Jacobs hand mirror (perfect for “I am fabulous” - at best this is random) and a bottle of Voss Water - again, not actually her drink of choice at the moment. Wow, totally screams Britney. How clever and empoweringly bitchy! [source]

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