Wednesday, March 07, 2007

An Indian family was shocked to find out that the reason its chickens had been disappearing is because their calf had been sneakily snatching them and eating them. This is obviously odd because cows are herbivores and consequently this cow obviously has some kind of protein deficiency or it is psychotic.

Indian experts of course, with lightning speed offered up the rational explanation that the cow was a tiger in a previous life. Consequently, it has simply been channeling the carnivorous needs of its former manifestation. Well, yes, but isn't that a little too obvious?

Anyone could argue THAT and then just move on. It really seems like there's more going on here than meets the eye.

The reality is far more likely to be linked to the parents. While the USA has trouble disciplining its kids and keeping them off corn syrup because they're immature, lazy, self indulgent and permissive, the Indians have been enabling the inner brat of their sacred cows to ferment and expand for centuries. Consequently, the cow is far more likely to be suffering from the same narcissistic personality delusions that celebrities and overindulged American children are.

The only people to blame here are the Indian calf owners. You have to set boundaries for your calves and eating the chickens isn't just wrong when it comes to the natural scheme of things - not to mention the fact that calf teeth are flat for "grinding" rather than sharp for "tearing" - it's extremely rude.

That calf just needs a good slap on the wrist and a month with no television or kool aid.

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