Finally, there’s something that will put to rest the agonizing, yet increasingly common and shared pain associated with the idea that the ghost of your dead relatives may, in fact, not be getting laid because they’re impotent in the afterlife. The Chinese, and who else would tackle something this important other than the Germans, have found that if you burn effigies of Viagra pills at the graves of their ancestors. Even the controlling Chinese government can’t stop the sales of these vital keys to a revitalized sex life in the afterlife – they’re just too popular. And kudos really must go to the Marketing Department at Pfizer. You really can’t ask for a clearer sign that your product has well and truly infiltrated a culture than it being integrated into traditional death rituals. It seems like maybe the Chinese are always under a lot of stress. [source]
Great news for Amsterdam residents hoping for a new way to passive aggressively show people they hate how little they’re worth to them. A Dutch advertising company launches the option of paying for postage FOR people in return for using the back of their envelope as advertising space. It’s not just cheap, it’s also more or less abusive. “Here – I’m not paying for postage just to send YOU a letter and furthermore, you should be reminded to eat at Red Lobster when you get the letter. Even if you don’t want to.” If this trend continues it should leave thin air and the space on the inside of straws as the only ad-free space in the world. [source]
The obviously culture starved residents of the small Russian town of Bogolyubovo refuses to accept passports that contain bar codes for fear that the barcodes are, in fact, Satanic and therefore to be avoided. In defense of what seems like irrational hysteria (and read on, because religious fear isn’t always hysterical and mindless) a spokesperson from the town is literally quoted as saying (while dressed in a haggard gray shawl, trembling in fear at all times) “They have these bar codes and people say they contain three sixes. We are against that.” Because, actually checking to see if they DO contain three sixes would be too much work especially for something as trivial as a governmental document that would actually get you out of the culture starved shit heap town you live in. Fear away dear little Russian…[source]
Bleeding Jesus and exhibitionist Virgin Mary chasers have no doubt packed up shop from the recent pop up of Mary in Texas and they’ve moved to India where a painting of Jesus is apparently bleeding. Is it callous to suggest that a travel agency may be behind these transcontinental divine appearances? Fares to India aren’t selling so all of a sudden, POW! Hey, look everyone – Jesus is BLEEDING in India. Let’s GO! Why is Jesus wasting time doing promo appearances in India anyway? Wouldn’t the time be better spent in South America among the hysterical Catholic peasants? He could carve out a nice living down there. [source]
Hanging in there has certainly paid off for the ousted Romanian king that was forced to leave his castle 60 years ago. The Nation of Romania gave back the castle it snatched from the family of King Michael who was made to abdicate by the Communists in the last 40s. And what a trooper! After all that, he’s decided to sell the castle back to the Romanian government for a cool 40 million dollars IF they promise to keep it a museum. That’s if. [source]
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