Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Celebrity Madness

Hyper sexual teenaged boy Republicans sigh in disappointment across the nation as America's newest odd couple, Teri Hatcher and George H W Bush go on TV and on the record to clarify that Bush Sr. did not repeatedly grope the Desperate Housewive's ass, thus dissolving their best masturbation fantasies to date forever.

In an effort to cut to the core of the reasons behind why her life has been so difficult since she went on American Idol, Jennifer Hudson trashes Simon Cowell who, when you watch the tapes, wasn't actually so mean to her after all. But, cut her some slack, it's been a hard slog over the last few months.

The negotiations between Howard K Stern and Larry Birkhead have nothing to do with boats, houses and Bahamian pleasantries. It is revealed that they are entirely about how soon that DNA test can be taken. No doubt, Howard K Stern's diary is just PACKED at the moment. Just SO conveniently packed.

Right wing and idiot media reports that Bill Maher called for the death of VP Dick Cheney on his show last week. Watching the clip, it's clear that his main point was about the role of the press in a democracy. Anything else he says is an hypothetical. The rest is hype.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes deny that they're moving into the Dakota. Is there ever an situation not pertaining directly to blindingly overcompensated for heterosexuality or a film that they DON'T deny. Denial from the Cruise camp is so predictable and overdone, it means nothing. What's the point? Is it to appear more aloof? What are you afraid of Tom and Katie? Are you afraid of meeting new people? Are you afraid to be hurt? It’s ok to let your guard down once in a while.

While Isaiah Washington is deemed worthy of official honor for his tireless efforts in being a visible black male role model despite the fact that he is clearly a homophobic bully (a fact that apparently means nothing to the NAACP - hell, he wasn't talking about other BLACK people so who cares?) ABC appears to consider him less worthy of a raise. Suck it up.

Just because it's fun to examine a Coulter argument: It turns out Ann Coulter was kidding because the word "faggot" has no meaning once you leave the schoolyard. The entire thing was really about emasculating John Edwards and making him look powerless by evoking references to gay people. It's not homophobic to do that. Homophobia like this isn't possible outside the schoolyard.

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