Monday, March 12, 2007

There’s nothing more repellant and, indicative of desperate emotional need or a lack of perspective than an adult in a big city who dresses their emotionally complex dog up in thousands of dollars worth of couture in order to cart them around the city like a fashion accessory sometimes in a cage on wheels so the dog doesn’t actually even walk on its walk.

Actually, yes there is; someone doing the same but with a cat. That’s somehow more bizarre. Endlessly obsessing over a cat is cause for alarm. It’s just like having more than two cats. If you have more than two cats there’s a good chance you were abused. Multiple cats in an apartment has got to indicate some level of abuse in past.

Still - according to an article in the Sun, obsessive (no doubt childless) city dwelling adults with a tendency to project their own issues onto pets don’t just link to fashion and a chronic fear of the outside world. They also link to fitness and weight. Where something like 70% of Americans are clinically obese, it turns out that 15% of dogs are clinically obese which means that the associated 15% of dog owners are certifiably ludicrous people who need to reconsider how suitable it is that they own a pet in the first place.

Lucky for the negligent owners of obese pets, there are fitness classes set up for pets – just like for people. That way pet owners can schedule in time for everything. Literally nothing need be left of a whim or chance when you live in the big city. No siree. After all, who has time for relaxation and natural exercise, that's probably why the dog is fat in the first place. This way, exercise designed to produce optimum results can be scheduled in for pet owners and someone can be paid to keep their uncontrollably fat dog (and hopefully cat) sleek and thin and therefore presentable on the street. Problem solved.

This seems altogether too melodramatically complex. Would you not, at the very least, just feed the dog less? Isn't feeding your dog a reasonable amount so it doesn't become obese more or less the same as deciding not to feed your 6 month old coca cola and gummi worms? [source]

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