Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Celebrity Madness

Virgie Arthur shovels dirt into the grave but can’t…quite…stop….shoveling dirt. She can’t quite stop shoveling that dirt into the grave to cover up her daughter’s casket. Got to…fill…it up. That’s right, I’m filling up your grave so you can’t get back out…you’ll never escape from me again. I know where you are and you’re not …going….anywhere…Gosh, look how well I shovel…I’m a good little worker aren’t I? No one will ever call me a lazy freeloader after this little display of my labor talents.

In Rosie O’Donnell’s quest to eventually get her own show, she strategically lays into American Idol – accusing the producers of being racist and in return, The View is no longer allowed to play topic relevant clips of the show.

The leash on Katie Holmes’ appears to be tightening although, maybe it was never any looser as part of the contract to be part of TomKat. How could we possibly know when they just won’t let us in? Not only did Cruise choose her latest film because of the lack of sex – so, that’s no sex on screen and no sex at home either? What does she do? Pay hookers? Maybe they both do at the same time. Perhaps when she’s sitting there – in a rare unmedicated moment, alone in the dark of her bedroom cell she placates herself through checking her bank balance online and counting the days until the contract expires. Just seven more years to go. Just seven more years to go. Oh, ok. That’s unlikely, let’s be fair; there’s never a moment alone with Cruise’s entire family living with them. Just like a normal family run by a repressed control freak bi polar nut with a literal God complex.

The screaming harpie of narcissism that feeds off (what’s left of ) Star Jones’s soul and has taken over her ego cannot be silenced, it appears, by just
one appearance on Law and Order. No, it needs an entire show on Court TV. Phew. Otherwise, she might have had to have started killing and eating children to make the voices stop.

OJ Simpson suggests with the straight face of a desperate desperate acquitted celebrity murderer who has heard the word no far too few times in his life that he could easily be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. Sure – that sounds likely because not only is the baby white… oh fuck’s sake…I can’t even muster up a sarcastic angle this is so fucking stupid. Would someone just slap the shit out him and make him go away?

Jared Leto breaks his face but his ego apparently remains unshattered.

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