Tuesday, December 18, 2007

When those photos of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s ass were released and everyone was all shocked and amazed it was speculated that maybe her thighs and hips weren’t just the result of slothfulness; maybe she was pregnant. Yeah, that sounds reasonable. Turns out though that Jennifer Love Hewitt isn’t pregnant, she’s just actually that fat.

Her waist and hips really are that planetary. It really has to suck ass to be Jennifer Love Hewitt because the only press she seems to get these days is global speculation about why on earth she’s so maddeningly fat all of a sudden. Especially seeing as she used to be quite slim and pretty. She was always a little tunascent but she at least was pretty cute. Like, back when she was on Party of Five she was quite marketable and now it’s all matronly manners and marriage for her.

The one thing that Jennifer Love Hewitt can do is thank her lucky stars she isn’t Tara Reid, although they’re both sort of at the same level of press scrutiny at the moment; they get attention because they’re considered physically freakish. Yeah, Love Hewitt can thank her massive ass she isn’t riddled with a million venereal diseases and doesn’t have a handful of leftover parts from a German panza tank shoved just the skin on her stomach like Reid. What a mess that wench is. A dirty dirty wench. Good for her. Tara Reid’s rat like ways will serve her well when she has to consciously start whoring herself out for bit parts in b movies. In short, Jennifer Love Hewitt should be happy she isn’t Tara Reid even though she seems to be getting the same sort of press and has thighs that could hide a pachyderm. [source]

1 comment:

Faith said...

Sometimes your line between truth and satire is very fine. I sincerely hope you aren't actually implying that size 2 Jennifer Love is fat. You couldn't get more Rush Limbaugh if you tried.