Monday, December 03, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

The late Leona Helmsley’s Maltese Terrier “Trouble” to which she left 12 million dollars, has received so many death threats that the dog has not only been re-located to Florida, it’s been relocated there under a false name. It’s also interesting that this is a news story because one would assume that if you were the caretaker of a dog worth 12 million dollars you’d be able to employ a media consultant who would advise about keeping the story out of the papers. Although, let’s also just remember that we’re talking about a dog that inherited 12 million dollars. Maybe the dog is a primadona like Dina Lohan and actually wants to be followed by a stalker because she would love the attention. Sure she could die but someone is passionately interested in her and that’s love. Other reasons why people might want to kill the dog include that it was always a total shit to everyone. Reports say it bit people and Leona just laughed. What a cranky old biddy. [source]

The world’s oldest Rolls Royce, built in 1904, was just sold at auction for 3.5 million UK pounds to a private collector. 3.5 million pounds is about 680 trillion American dollars right now. That private investor could have actually paid off the national debt of the US or he could have bought that car and I think he made the right decision. It was a good decision also because the car is still drivable – even though it only goes 40 miles per hour but then, that’s about the speed you need for going down to the shop for milk and cigarettes in the morning. Nothing more. It’s a well spent 3.5 million on a once a week milk and cigarette carrier. After he collects his car, perhaps the investor would like the buy Sydney’s Queen Victoria Building, gut it and keep one toothpick in it. Yes, that would be culturally helpful. Meanwhile, children are dying etc. etc. [source]

This is how the Washington Post crafted its opening line for this story: It may be a case of monkey see, monkey do better - a new study finds young chimpanzees beating human adults at remembering numbers. The only thing that comes to mind from that is that Fred Willard from Waiting for Guffman was reading the news after having never even previewed the teleprompter. Anyway, that inane point aside, apparently chimps beat out university students in a scientifically conducted memory test which should prompt a general sense of satisfaction in those annoying people who get drunk and argue that going to university is meaningless and a waste of time. After all, they went to the University of LIFE! They don’t need a freaking la di da expensive degree to prove their worth. Cause, no one is better than them. What are you looking at? [source]

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