Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Raja Gaj, The World’s biggest Asian elephant (those are the ones with the smaller ears) has been missing a Nepali Wildlife reserve for about a year and it is feared dead. Why no one thought of the most obvious explanation – that the elephant ran away to LA or New York to become a famous and big earning elephant in the entertainment industry – I have no idea. I mean, the first thing that came to mind for me was that it’s got a job standing in the room. The bedroom of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. See, that’s the kind of quality material you don’t get other places. Sometimes we all think a bit too hard and we miss the top quality material but it’s when you’re relaxed and not thinking too hard that you can come up with unbeatable lines like that. I mean, it’s not my best work but it felt right. It really did. And you know what? I’m really not well today at all probably because all of a sudden it’s bitterly cold in New York. The puddles are frozen on the ground. It’s colder than when it snows. That missing elephant doesn’t care though. It’s raking in the dough and probably will for years to come. Until the contract between Holmes and Cruise runs out. Then it’ll move on to John Travolta and the Republican religious conservative club. [source]

Meredydd Hughes, one of Britain's most senior policemen and the former chairman of roads policing at the Association of Chief Police Officers was just arrested for driving 30 miles per hour over the speed limit in England. See, with all the religious conservatives, prize fighters and Republican senators getting embarassing press for all manner of sexually compromising activities at the moment you’d be forgiven if you thought high powered hypocrisy was something that only pertained to sex. I think most of these people feel so much pressure from their roles in society that they long to be caught just to remove the pressure. I’m sure it’s no different in the high impact, glamorous world of traffic monitoring. Why, Meredydd was just at his wits end trying to be what his parents wanted him to be and in the end, he just couldn’t fake wanting to go the speed limit any more. Poor guy. This is painful for him now but it’s the turning point for him. [source]

One of Italy’s top 30 most wanted mafia criminals, Daniele Emanuello, swallowed a piece of paper with important numbers on it just before he was shot dead by police. That makes two hilarious mafia deaths in a week so far. And both were in Italy. One was some guy watching a movie about the mafia where the character gets burst in on by police on TV and then the real thing happened in real life and now this. Hilarious. Of course, the piece of paper isn’t gone, it’s stuck in the guy’s esophagus meaning that all the police have to do is smash him open and get it. Stupid guy. The first guy was funnier. This is just disappointing. Wait, I’m over it now. [source]

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