Sunday, December 02, 2007

Week # 48 in Review

In Touch magazine reported that pop star Britney Spears was pregnant with music producer J R Rotem’s child. The reports involved direct quotation from Rotem coupled with photographs of the text messages received by an In Touch staffer from Rotem. Spears denied the rumours and suggested she was deliberating over whether or not to sue In Touch. Other reports about Spears included the news that she has a sex toy vault in her home. While speculation about whether she was with child continued, Spears’ single “Piece of Me” was released and so was a competition in which fans of Spears were asked to submit their own music videos of the song.

Reality TV and sex tape character Kim Kardashian made the claim that she had 50,000 dollars worth of Cartier jewelry and computer equipment stolen while at JFK but subsequent investigations by media outlets revealed that no police report had been filed in conjunction with the theft. Kimora Lee Simmons invited her ex-husband’s girlfriend to a party in his honour prompting reports that despite the pleasantry there was aggressive bitchiness coming from Simmons herself and it was reported that Lindsay Lohan would release the third album as part of her record deal and that the album would potentially be titled “Nobody’s Angel”.

Bindi Irwin, the daughter of the late television conservationist Steve Irwin, appeared on the Today Show to perform her new single “Trouble in the Jungle”, a rap about endangered species, country music star Dolly Parton released a new single, the music video for which starred actress Amy Sedaris as both herself and her character Jerri Blank from the TV series Strangers With Candy. It was announced that aspiring actress Tara Reid was to host a ball in Darwin, Australia named the Hooker’s Ball and it was also reported in the Daily News that while Reid guest starred on the TV show Scrubs it was unlikely that she would be invited back as she apparently stank of booze while filming.
Actress Kirsten Dunst was announced as the new face of fashion brand Miu Miu and Spice Girl Victoria Beckham was announced as the new face of Marc Jacobs. Reality TV character Sharon Osbourne re-ingnited the fued between herself and rock star Courtney Love by again claiming in public that Love was the first person to provide Osbourne’s son Jack with oxycontin, to which he later became addicted. Love denied Osbourne’s allegations.

Ex-Savage Garden front man Darren Hayes performed acoustic sets in New York which included a virtuosic rendition of Britney Spears’ “Gimme Gimme”, it was announced that radio talk show host Don Imus was scheduled to re-appear on radio with a co-host on December 3 and pop star Boy George was headed to court for the beginning of his trial for allegedly imprisoning a rent boy in his apartment and threatening him with sex toys.
In records and numbers news, a 1.5 kilogram black truffle was announced to be on sale in Macau and was expected to fetch upwards of 150,000 Euros.

In the United States, Alexander D. Smith from Georgia walked into a bank and attempted to deposit a million dollar bill and was promptly arrested and Greenpeace began a survey to establish the most popular names for a pod of whales and included in the list of names was Mr. Splashy Pants. In Africa officials in Cameroon were holding two smugglers from Ghana after they were caught attempting to smuggle 500 Grey African Parrots out of the country.

In the UK the woman who speaks the announcements for the London Underground was fired for making up her own announcements and speaking them over the loud system. Her announcements included “We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly.” The invention of Sat Lav a satellite navigation system designed to locate public toilets with a mobile phone was announced in England.

In Europe, Austrian males from the city of Salzburg who would normally be dragged around the shopping centers with their wives completing family Christmas shopping were able to find refuge in a tent called the Maennerhort which included computer games, a bar and magazines like Playboy and mafia boss Michele Catalano was sitting in his living room in Italy watching a movie about a mobster who is arrested in his own home when police burst through the front door and arrested him in his own house.
In Asia, organizers of the Beijing Olympics officially banned the sale of fireworks within a hundred meters radius of any official Olympic venues, a Thai politician was under fire for attempting to bribe elderly men to vote for him by giving them Viagra, members of a TV production team filming a documentary about the Yeti in Tibet discovered footprints which, in their opinion, were not those of a bear and were large enough to warrant further investigation.
In Puerto Rico, beauty pageant contestant Ingrid Marie Rivera claimed her clothes and makeup were laced with pepper spray and that she simply kept the tears at bay while going on to win the contest anyway but Puerto Rican investigators suggested that they were suspicious of her claims and a Chilean hooker named Maria Carolina raised 4000 dollars for a disabled children’s charity as part of a telethon run by the Catholic church by donating 27 hours of sex with her.

“There are people who are going to be donating money that’s a lot more questionable than mine,” Carolina said. “The only thing I did was publicise it.”

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