Friday, December 07, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Here’s a story about a really fat kid. Yep, this kid in China is 8 months old and weighs 41 pounds. It always comes down to the same thing with these fat kids – I watch Entertainment Tonight, I know how it works. The parents are lame and spineless and they just shovel food into the kid because the kid screams. Then it spirals out of control because the kid learns that any time it’s uncomfortable it can scream and it gets pie. Fat kids mean only one thing. Dumb ass parents. The thing is, it’s one thing to have this problem with a petulant teenager but with an 8 month old who can’t even freaking talk? Get a grip parents. Besides, fat kids are unpleasant to look at. Get an eating disorder damnit. [source]

A mothering giant species of cobra has been discovered in Kenya and apparently it has enough venom to kill 15 people. They’ve called it a Naja Ashei. I just love it when people discover new species of animal. It makes me feel like we’re back in explorer times and that maybe we’ll discover a new island somewhere and that maybe the Lost City of Gold is totally real. Where are the explorers these days? Well, what am I talking about – they’re in Kenya discovering snakes. But maybe that isn’t a new type of snake. Maybe it’s just where Bernard King has been hiding since he may or may not have faked his own death. Oh, alright, that’s ludicrous but he was bitter. [source]

Christie’s in New York are planning a really swank auction of booze for the first time since before prohibition. Among the items to be auctioned are bottles of 60 year old Scotch and of course, because this is New York, everything costs 10-20,000 dollars for a drop. Where the hell did this insane payment strata begin? The $25K dessert, the $14K pie. I guess this crap is ok because it’ll get your kid smashed when they crack into your secret, vaulted stash of old Scotch and drink it after getting home late drunk from a high school party. Yeah, that’d suck wouldn’t it. It makes you not want kids. Like, I wouldn’t have kids just so I could avoid that particular experience. And yeah, I totally read Cigar Aficionado. [source]

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