Thursday, December 13, 2007

Britney was meant to show up to court to talk about custody of her two children but Mark Kaplan, K-Fed’s lawyer announced that she was apparently too sick to show. Ok, fair enough. I mean, it seems reasonable that she would be ill what with the amount of chain restaurant garbage she funnels into her gullet on a daily basis.

I mean, where are the green vegetables in her diet?

I’m inclined to believe that there aren’t any seeing as we know everything else about her and I’ve never once see a picture of Brit posing with a stalk of broccoli. I’m fairly certain I’m not the only one who would enjoy it if she wandered about with a couple of vegetables and smiled while holding them up to her sparkling face as though they were prizes on Wheel of Fortune.

Anyway, apparently not.

Britney was so ill that she was driving around until 2am though. Driving around, getting gas, forgetting her assistant at the gas station…all with the paparazzi in tow.

The thing is, and this isn’t something that a lot of people know because most people deal with illness through rest, and or medication, for Britney, remembering she exists is a balm to her soul and the only thing that reminds her that she exists is the fact that people follow her and take photos as well as the fact that after driving around her gas tank gets low. If she doesn’t have those two things, she falls into disrepair. Oh, plus a liter of carnauba wax enriched Green Tea Frapuccino. Those are her fuel and defense against the dark arts; frap, pap and an empty gas tank.

When she sits in a room by herself she can’t differentiate herself from the furniture.
She was sick. Those are the signs. [source]

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