Monday, December 10, 2007

TMZ reports that the wedding between The Hills “characters” Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag is apparently off but they are still together. I was watching a special last night that had Lauren Conrad graciously narrating the linear narrative that has traced her progression, if you can call it that, from Laguna Beach to The Hills and it really struck me how mind numbing the entire thing is.

I mean, they talk at each other with this brain bludgeoningly stupid LA accent and they relentlessly talk about things and people but if you actually step back and listen to anything they’re saying; it’s all just bland empty bullshit.

But wait, ok hang on. Spencer Pratt wants everyone to hate him so talking about how much of a blatantly obvious manipulating used car salesman he is would just be fueling his ego. That’s why my angle on this is that I’m really sad about how they’re not getting married.

Heidi Montag really seemed to be a clear headed, self composed intelligent woman and Spencer Pratt seems to be a smoking hot intellectual who…oh for fuck’s sake. I don’t even care.

They’re all god damned rancid and should get married. That way they’d have to spend either eternity with each other OR they’d have to spend a shit load of money and energy trying to undo it when they realized no one gives a shit about them as cultural personalities beyond the fickle horror value of posts like the one TMZ posted.

I mean, what is the point? Are they meant to be aspiring actors? What are we aiming for here?

I am aiming for a really strong oxycontin laced martini in about an hour, that’s what I’m going for. Fuck LA pop culture. [source]

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