Monday, December 03, 2007

People Magazine has reported that High School Musical cast member, Ashley Tisdale has gone in and had a nose job but of course, Ashley’s particular brand of appeal wouldn’t allow for anything like THAT so her people have gone into damage control.

This isn't actually her, I'm just illustrating what a nose job looks like right after
Here are the genius quotes she’s offered up:
"Growing up I always knew I had a deviated septum on the right side of my nose, which caused trouble breathing," a bandaged Tisdale told PEOPLE on Monday from her Los Angeles home.

Oh my God Damned mothering lesbian GOD, you did not. Remember that period of time on Melrose Place where Lisa Rinna’s character was living with Dr. Peter and he said the word “barbiturates” a few times and so she kept saying the word “barbiturates” and finally “barbiturates” didn’t freaking mean anything anymore. It was just a repetitive plot device. In this case, “deviated septum” is the new “barbiturates”. Except it’s not even new.

"The older I got, the worse it got. I went to get it checked out, and the doctor told me the septum was 80 percent deviated and that I had two small fractures on my nose."

And you clapped for joy and immediately told him you wanted Double Ds. Then the doctor reminded you he was talking about your nose.

The recuperating 22-year-old adds: "I'm not feeling great today. It's uncomfortable and I hope this is the only time I ever have to go through something like this."

Well, you can hope all you want but the minute you hit 29 and there’s a new guard of perky, one dimensional blonde twits getting all the children’s TV work you’ll be re-visiting it. Just you watch Tisdale. And stop lip syncing badly. It’s imperious and it demeans us all. Imperiousness counts as a form of negativity and negativity links to depression and depression is not sexy and it’s certainly not marketable. Well, not in your genre. Smile dammit.

The best thing about these reports is that they're clearly a joke the journalist is having with anyone who reads these stories. It's not news that she had a nose job, it's news the extent to which she has to deal with it as a media issue. That's the entertaining part.

No comments: