Friday, April 04, 2008

Scarlett Johanssen has an album of actual music out called Anywhere I Lay My Head which is basically just a whole heap of Tom Waits covers and one original song. The only thing that makes sense to me about this career move and cultural manifestation is the title because if you replace the word Lay with Aim and Head with Ego it sort of explains the type of headspace it requires to do something this unnecessary.

Who told Scarlett Johanssen it was a good idea to do this? Who? Who were they? Why are they employed?

Only dumb ass freak movie actors do crap like this. Releasing an album when you’re an actor is the kind of thing actors do when their egos are so exhaustively inflated that they think that any manifestation of their expression is gold and they think that because they’ re famous they can sell and do anything. It’s been proven that that is fundamentally not the case time and time again. Just because you’re a movie star and everyone says yes to everything you want, doesn’t mean you need to DO everything that comes into your head.

Plus Scarlett Johanssen doesn’t even suck! I mean, sure she sometimes wears a bullring through her nose which makes her look like a bullock but I mean, she’s walking sex appeal. She was astonishingly hot in Match Point. She has this demeanour that seems to make her the cool, mature, popular girl at school but what am I to make of this new horror?

Now she’s less the popular girl at school and is one of those exhaustive tuna ho bitches that gets together with her friends and choreographs some rancid girl band dance routine to a top twenty hit and then performs it in front of the school. Really sexualized dance moves that go way over her head.

My entire head is bleeding at the thought of this now. Not just my ears. And they’re bleeding in anticipation. [source]

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