Monday, April 21, 2008

Further evidence to support the notion that all young Hollywood starlets are generally complete emotional mine fields with chasms of need the size of national parks beneath their corporately constructed exteriors has been found with new photos of everyone’s favourite squeaky clean child prodigy, Miley Cyrus, slutting it up in her underwear on camera.

Reports from TMZ don’t say where the shots came from but it seems clear that young Miley is probably the modern day equivalent of Ann Boleyn. I’ve totally been watching The Tudors and the Boleyn family were ASSHOLES. I mean, you know, according to Showtime. They were complete sell outs who did everything they could to make sure they got more power and control and in the process disowned one of their own daughters. Ann Boleyn was the main breadwinner though seeing as she was bedding the king but her father treated her like a political tool and in a lot of ways I think maybe the Cyrus family is the same.

You’ve got Billy Ray Cyrus who got a bit of fame with his hideous music a decade ago and now the kid is being sent up to battle to make sure the fam is kept in champagne and furs. I bet Billy Ray goes in and frightens her by saying that if she doesn’t go out there smiling for the public then a bomb will go off in her mother’s stomach. She’s not allowed to talk about that at parties.

So, here’s the kid. Secretly getting naked at 15 on camera probably hoping some 60 year old pedophile will tell her she’s pretty. Pretty Pretty? Those anonymous people who stared at her underwear pics are the only ones who don’t judge her. They promise they won’t ever leave her or scold her too. That’s why she gives them a little peek.

Oh God, I feel nauseated.

Still, Vanessa Hudgens survived her turn of being naked in public and so maybe Miley will too. The more I think about that Vanessa Hudgens deal, the more I think it was a PR stunt to market Zach Efron as straight. The only person with a case of gay face more extreme than Efron's is Gossip Girl's Chase Crawford.


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