Wednesday, April 30, 2008

People Magazine, after no doubt being bludgeoned within an inch of its life by someone in organized potato head, closet lesbian crime, has included Rumer Willis in its Most Beautiful People list for 2008.

Firstly, ok, it’s late April – that’s hardly enough time in 2008 to really constitute being able to put together a list for the year.

That’s A.

And B – how on earth is Rumer Willis beautiful? I do think Demi Moore is beautiful but she’s had any potential averageness chopped out of her. I think she’s stunning and it sort of confuses me that she doesn’t get any work. She’s done so many really great performances over the past 80 years that it’s been proven time and time again that she can actually act. Rumer Willis has, on the other hand, done nothing but emerge from Demi Moore and then continuously reflect absolutely none of her mother’s good points.

The best part about Rumer Willis being in People’s list though, is that she’s quoted as saying:

"There's a cool Korean spa my mom found in L.A. I go with my best friend, [Gossip Girl's] Jessica Szohr. That and getting my nails done are my biggest indulgences."


Actually, dear, your biggest indulgence is that for some unknown reason, you’ve been able to sustain the idea that you actually have a career ahead of you that doesn’t involve rehab, car accidents, drug addiction and maybe a sex tape (oh god, I just found out what my lunch looks like. An hour after I actually ate it).

People Magazine’s list has now officially jumped the shark.

Plus, what the fuck are those boots she’s wearing? Since when has she been a dark and brooding dominatrix? Why do we have to be forced to think of her in sexual roles?

In fact, fuck YOU, People Magazine. Fuck you for making me even write the words “Rumer” and “Willis”. Stop it, People. Stop it right now. [source]

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