Thursday, April 17, 2008

Rush and Molloy are reporting that while Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are currently living apart, it’s entirely due to work and renovations on their home in LA. And when I say “home” I mean the foreign state they’re currently constructing so Tom Cruise really can be in a world of his own in every way and be able to reconstruct reality in a way where everything he does is suddenly completely normal. There will be no autonomous media in his state.

Meanwhile, the rumour was addressed by Rush and Molloy because In Touch reported in a column that Katie is finally trying to break free from Tom Cruise’s manic delusional controlling high impact non-sexually motivated clutches.

Everyone is afraid of Tom Cruise. Why bother towing the line? I’m sort of amazed that Rush and Molloy did that. Of course Katie is thankful to be out of there. The façade has to end sometime – it’s completely unfeasible that she keep up this ridiculous farce of a marriage.

Actually, you know what? I think maybe she’s fine with the insanity. I think she knows that without him she’d be just another c-list actress who wouldn’t get any work. She sees James van der Beek’s massive ego, total lack of charisma and dwindling list of credits and she panics so she runs back under Tom’s wings. The glittery, feathered wings he picked up at House of Fetish in Sydney for a steal that one year for the Sleaze Ball.

So, there’s that fear coupled with the knowledge that Tom has probably implanted a bomb in Suri Cruise’s stomach and Katie knows that if she ever leaves he’ll just head straight for the bookshelf, grab the bronze bust of LRH, pull it forward so that the bookshelf opens up to reveal a secret passage, he’ll march down the steep spiral staircase that is made of stone and that contains windows all the way down that look into small holding cells in which he keeps all his male lovers, he’ll go through several iron doors, walk to the control panel, locate the huge red button that has a plastic box over it with a label (made with one of those label makers like you find in an office – just like that one over there on the desk) that says “ DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON and he’ll press launch. Suddenly, no matter where Suri is she will start crying and it will get more and more maniacal until her stomach explodes. And when she explodes the tape recorder inside her will be blown up in the air and will land on the ground a few feet away, giving off smoke and constantly saying the phrase “ Don’t worry daddy…I won’t tell…Don’t worry Daddy, I won't tell….”

Nothing can come between Tom Cruise and his ultimate goal of the mask of normality.

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