Monday, April 07, 2008

Jay Z and Beyonce got married and it’s the most predicable union since Celine Dion marrying music promoter René Angelil or Tina Turner marrying Ike (although, Tina Turner managed to transcend the ridiculous narcissism of marrying the man who promises to make you a star.

Beyonce is so utterly one of the most formulaic products of our time. She’s a corporate brand. Jay Z is a hard core driven music producer.

The way it works is, the female star stuffs her humanity into a weird but very tight corset (figuratively speaking) and becomes the brand so she can be adored by every person on the planet. She’s created into a totally translatable, globally viable cultural object, she more or less gives up her humanity, cashes in and then goes and lives in her mansion in LA or castle in Europe. Her best friends are always going to only be the moronic, catty gay stylists, assistants and publicists who hang out with her all day and pander to her every whim. They’re not sexually threatening, they make her beautiful and they’re sycophantic enough to laugh at every joke she tells which makes her ego feel safe. The stylists love her because under the plastic exterior is an emotionally immature and chaotic, very needy but complex and interesting woman. They identify and want to be her in many ways because she is famous and adored and slim and wanted. They’ve never quite gotten over being beaten up in High School.

Some divas like Kylie Minogue, Liza Minnelli and Paula Abdul don't manage to get married for one reason or another but they do get the rest of the formula in place.

But she could ever marry them because they’re gay. So, she marries her father complex riddled producer bully associate and then everything is in place. There’s no social slack – no people in her life that aren’t about her maintaining her status – and while she may be treated like an accessory and a wind up toy at least she’s famous across the world and at least she’s pretty. I mean, apart from those chronic sweat stains. [source]

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