Britney finally announces her divorce from Kevin Federline. Media nickname K-Fed is abolished in favour of Fed-Ex. Fed-Ex is forced to pay for his own lawyer. Inexplicably, no Fed-Ex gigs seem to be generating funds.
Following a massive cultural restructuring of the US House of Representatives and the Senate, Rumsfeld resigns.
Ryan Phillippe explains that he isn't such a bad guy. At the end of the day, as if Witherspoon wasn't the reincarnation of Joan Crawford to live with anyway.