Monday, November 20, 2006

Celebrity Madness

The Cruise Corp. unholy union is solidified in Italy and the locals are frustrated. Particularly one priest who let his distain be known the only way he knew how. While everyone knows the relationship is really just about embellishing Cruise Corp's beard, the actual wedding really was for show - as in, legally. They were already married before this ceremony; Italy doesn't recognise Scientology because it's a bizarre, fraudulent cult. By the time local fan's frustration really sets in, the Cruise Corp. and Holmes dash to the Maldives.

Leonardo di Caprio is working as hard as he can to be seen as a really nice guy. First he offers to take a bullet, next he jumps on the "buy a kid from Africa" bandwagon by offering money to an orphanage and supporting a young girl he "connected with" (after picking her out of a catalogue while in a hotel suite in Paris, no doubt). Still, he was the first GUY to do it - some attention should be paid.

Despite attempts to prove otherwise by what appears to be basically the entire universe, Rachel Ray may really actually just be a very happy married girl despite those dirty spitting hooker rumours that surfaced last week.

Jaws drop and eyes remain frozen open in a shock that rivals the reaction to OJ Simpson's television confession when Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld) delivers an unbridled racist tyraid to his audience at the Laugh Factory. Click here for actual footage but brace yourself. It's severe.

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